Legendary asshole Ferran Adria. Not pictured: the $500 plate of AIR he just served you. El Bulli, which in Spanish means “a bunch of bullshit,” will soon be shuttered. Everyone in the known motherfucking universe is freaking the fuck out because legendary molecular gastronomist Ferran Adria is closing his vaunted restaurant in Roses, Spain. Guess what? I don’t give a shit. Molecular gastronomy is for weirdos who don’t want to do enough actual research to be food chemists. I really don’t care too much for olive- flavored gelatin, or pasta made of cheese, or any food that’s been frozen to just a few tenths of a Kelvin above absolute zero, or soup made from a kitten’s daydreams, or a cocktail that’s been infused with shadows. Or foam. FUCK FOAM. Since when is foam even EDIBLE? The last time I checked, foam was for spermicide and space-age Scandanavian mattresses. Foam is, after all, mostly air, and AIR ISN’T EVEN EDIBLE. If he could bottle a bear’s fart, Adria could call it “Salmon Air” and sell it to gullible assholes for $225.What insults me the most about molecular gastronomy is the abuse of liquid nitrogen: Ferran Adria has empowered an entire generation of douchebags to freeze things that shouldn’t be frozen. The only legitimate uses of liquid nitrogen are: freezing live ants to see if they will revive when thawed, chilling rubber balls until they can be shattered like glass, and EPA Method 1632.

So to put the nail in molecular gastronomy’s foam-filled coffin, I propose one of my trademark Twitter contests. If you aren’t already doing so, follow me on Twitter and answer, in 140 characters or less, this question: “What will Ferran Adia do once el Bulli closes?” I’m the judge, jury, and executioner on this, so you should tailor your answer to my particularly obscene sensibilities. The winner will receive a $50 gift certificate to Spring Hill, which is the closest thing in Seattle to molecular gastronomy I can stomach. And besides, it’s near my house, and I my laziness is legendary. Get cracking, everybody, because this contest closes Thursday, February 25 at 5 p.m. I’ll announce the winner both on Twitter and here on Voracious at noon on Friday. You can enter as many times as you want, but be warned: If you spam me with like 100 tries, I will get pissed at you.And remember: friends don’t let friends practice molecular gastronomy. Unless you’re one of those friends who does shit like drawing a mustache on your friend when he’s passed out. But that’s pretty fucking rad, so I’ll let it slide.