It’s that time of week when we answer the questions you’re too drunk or shy to ask…This question comes from Lynn:

What is the difference between a bartender and a mixologist? Is there schooling involved or is it like calling yourself a chef?I’m sorry, but there is no difference to those terms. And yet, like the phrase “customer service representative,” the word “mixologist” comes off like a little patch for the ego, methinks, and it annoys the hell out of me.We find the words that describe us somehow inadequate, wanting our nouns to sound more … important. So we string nouns together in a forest-through-the-trees sort of tactic or make up new words in the hope that maybe no one will notice we’re just a clerk, or a secretary, or, yes, a bartender.If you work behind a counter with a bunch of bottles of liquor, you are a bartender. You tend bar. Why this is dissatisfying to some I haven’t got a clue. It’s a lovely word, actually. “Tend” means to care for and provide. I love this word for the emphasis it places on the customer, because that is by far the most skillful, demanding, and rewarding part of the job. A gardener tends a garden, a shepherd his flock. Bartenders who refuse to call themselves such seem to be placing themselves above the word and therefore above the customer — and that I can’t abide. I understand the concept, like denoting the difference between a cook and a chef, but I’m not buying it. Mixologist describes one who mixes things, with the -ologist implying some reference to some sort of science. Zzzzzzzzz. This word puts the emphasis on the clinical and leaves out the human. It makes it about the person behind the bar: one who studies mixology. Well, good for him or her. I’d rather have someone more interested in watering a thirsty me. And “master mixologist”? Unless Yoda runs some bar somewhere I don’t know about … I tended bars for 17 years, and I can tell you I wouldn’t have the audacity to say that I mastered a goddamn thing. I’m constantly finding new recipes, techniques, and stories, and people still surprise the hell out of me on a daily basis. Master? In other professions, the add-on of “master” implies an especially accomplished member of the profession; but oh, brother, I’d feel like a jackass just letting the word come out of my mouth. I guess I was just brought up with the idea that you either show that you can walk the walk or not.Whatever helps them sleep at night, I guess. As far as judging bartenders on their level of expertise, Lynn, you know an amazing ballet dancer or basketball player when you see one, or an adept musician when you hear one, right? A great bartender is like that. They have grace in their movements and demeanor. They will make you feel engaged and welcome. They make you want to glue yourself to the stool for the rest of the night. In this way, it’s obvious who’s a master and who is not.Got a question for the bartender? Email me at msavarino@seattleweekly.com.