I thought I learned my lesson in June after buying the worst

I thought I learned my lesson in June after buying the worst candy ever, but once more, the gleam of a shiny candy box grabbed me by the eyeballs and wouldn’t let go. This time, the disgusting purchases took place at Archie McPhee in Wallingford. Fun store, evil candy. Let’s start with the wasabi gum. Inside the sinister looking container lies a couple dozen little green gumballs. They reek of synthetic liquid smoke, similar to the worst candy ever I mentioned above. Surprise! They’re made by the same company — Accoutrements, which makes an entire line of joke candy. I’m almost certain none of their products are really meant to be enjoyed. If you can get past the smell, the taste is pretty mild. Besides the color, there is nothing wasabi-like about this gum at all. Maybe a little bit of spice once you start chewing it, but then, the smokey taste simply lingers for what seems to be a lifetime. Just terrible. Terrible!Now, the mints. Ever wonder what onion ring and nacho cheese candy tastes like? I’m going to tell you anyway. What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong in your mouth? The worst part about the cheesy nacho mints is, once again, the smell (ed note: Accoutrements, get your shit together!). It’s hard to describe. It’s almost like a mix of vanilla and cheese dust. It’s not bad, but it isn’t appetizing. The mints actually taste nothing like cheese. They taste like — whatever that smell is. The real find in this trifecta of unfortunate candy purchases if the onion ring mints. It’s pretty laughable how similar to onion rings they smell. If you weren’t hungry before you opened the tin, you will be when you smell the mints. Deep-fried, glistening bread crumb goodness. The bad news is the mints taste just like onion rings, too. With that said, I would still chose them over both the wasabi gum and nacho cheese mints. Actually, at $2.50 a tin, I would just buy some actual onion rings which won’t freshen my breath, either. I’m going to go brush my teeth now.

Talk to us

Please share your story tips by emailing editor@seattleweekly.com.