The Life Avionic
Published 7:00 am Monday, October 9, 2006
 The Aviator |
 The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou |
|
|---|---|---|
| Public Triumph | Sets aviation records, beds starlets, flies world’s biggest plane | Captures the jaguar shark on camera, earns film-festival accolades |
| Private Despair | Lives in germophobic solitude; saves pee in empty milk bottles | Realizes his estranged wife and dead partner were the brains in his outfit |
| Character Arc | Rise and fall | Fall and rise |
| White Whale | Spruce Goose | Jaguar shark |
| Cool Gadgets | Flying boat, record-setting planes, underwire bra for Jane Russell | Albino dolphin-cams, shipboard recording booth, mini sub |
| Fashion Statement | Off-the-rack Sears suits and tennis shoes | Tux or blue Speedo-depending on the occasion |
| Drug(s) of Choice | Whole milk, straight from the bottle | Campari and reefer |
| Key Phrase | “It’s not safe” | “I think she’s a bull dyke” |
| Nefarious Rival | Airline mogul Alec Baldwin | Fey magnate Jeff Goldblum |
| Big Battles | Stands up to U.S. Senate with Capra-esque speeches | Fights off pirates-twice |
| Response to Film-Premiere Paparazzi | Neurasthenic freak-out and hand washing | Punches out hectoring fan, more reefer |
| Tests of Courage | Repeatedly risks life for flying records | Begs estranged wife for money; makes pass at Cate Blanchett (see below) |
| The Cate Blanchett Hookup Factor | Score! Steamy private flying lessons and cohabitation in the Hollywood Hills | Shot down in flames! He loses the girl to his own son! |
| The Willem Dafoe Factor | Peddles tabloid photos of Hepburn-Tracy romance | Speaks with funny German accent |
| The Other Woman | Kate Beckinsale makes Ava Gardner as sexy as a nun | Effortlessly sultry Anjelica Huston keeps a shirtless Italian stallion as her boy toy |
| Scene-Stealing Support | Jude Law as Errol Flynn | Albino dolphins! |
| Biggest “Who?” Factor | B-movie ingenue Faith Domergue | Oseary Drakoulias (played by Michael Gambon): film financier or James Bond villain? |
| Drives Underlings Crazy by . . . | Risking entire fortune on overbudget planes and movies | Running out of fuel and stranding his ship while pursuing jaguar shark |
| Parallels to The Great Gatsby | Fabulous life, depressing end | Stands forlornly at end of darkened pier |
| Parallels to Citizen Kane | Audacious early promise is eclipsed by scandal and eccentricity | Left unfulfilled by fame, clings to past glories |
| Rosebud | Childhood bar of soap in pocket | Official Team Zissou ring |
| Haberdashery | Classic ’30s fedoras and dashing aviation helmets | Red knit stocking cap to cover bald spot |
| Sequel Prospects? | Moves to Vegas, grows out hair and nails, wears tissue boxes on feet | There are always other fish in the sea |
2004 Holiday Film Guide
• It’s handsome young Leo vs. hoary old Bill at the holiday box office. We compare and contrast. By Brian Miller MORE • The Aviator: Scorsese’s best film since Goodfellas. MORE • The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou: neither fish nor foul. MORE • Bad Education: film noir replete with flashbacks, dueling narratives, and peekaboo identity games. MORE • Meet the Fockers: a coasting cast boasts so much talent. MORE • The Phantom of the Opera: Webber phans will be shocked and disappointed. MORE
