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Articles by Richard Meltzer
Cephalic Carnage
Cephalic Carnage
By Richard Meltzer • October 9, 2006 12:00 am

Music lovers unite! We need to smoke ’em out, get ’em on the run, and bring ’em to justice! Stealing…

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Red Elvises
Red Elvises
By Richard Meltzer • October 9, 2006 12:00 am

1956what are the TWO PRINCIPLES of urgent note for White America? Elvis. The terrible Commies. Slam them 2-gether in ’03:…

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Rhymes with Seltzer
Rhymes with Seltzer
By Richard Meltzer • October 9, 2006 12:00 am

Jolene Flebb of Woodway writes: “Your recent walk down Band Name Lane was a wonderful, terrific, and educating experience—you should…

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Rhymes with Seltzer
Rhymes with Seltzer
By Richard Meltzer • October 9, 2006 12:00 am

To celebrate the sesquicentennial of the promotion to captain of AMERICA’S GREATEST TERRORIST, William Tecumseh Sherman (1820-1891), Bruce Springsteen will…

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Cat Power
Cat Power
By Richard Meltzer • October 9, 2006 12:00 am

Cool retro!!! First there was “Let’s Spend the Night Together”: baba daba, bop bop a daba . . . work…

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Rhymes with Seltzer
Rhymes with Seltzer
By Richard Meltzer • October 9, 2006 12:00 am

Starting this week, everything will begin with N. Dirt will begin with N. Radishes will begin with N. Ontology will…

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Rhymes with Seltzer
Rhymes with Seltzer
By Richard Meltzer • October 9, 2006 12:00 am

Four second cousins from culture hotbed West Islip, N.Y.—birthplace of Waylon Jennings, Isaac Hayes, and the Fabulous Moolah—World 7 take…

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Rhymes with Seltzer
Rhymes with Seltzer
By Richard Meltzer • October 9, 2006 12:00 am

Nina Paranolt of Bellevue writes: “Dear Meltzer—Please help! This is important. “Back in April, high on acid, I gouged somebody’s…

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Lagwagon
Lagwagon
By Richard Meltzer • October 9, 2006 12:00 am

Name Withheld of Renton writes: “Recently, quite by accident, I came upon samples of your writing at the Addicted to…

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Rhymes with Seltzer
Rhymes with Seltzer
By Richard Meltzer • October 9, 2006 12:00 am

Moby Dick by Henry Rollins. Call me Ishmael. Manhattan before Woody, Rudy, and 9/11. Rock, rock, Rockaway Beach. Queequeg, my…

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Rhymes with Seltzer
Rhymes with Seltzer
By Richard Meltzer • October 9, 2006 12:00 am

I’ve got four things already wrong with me: a backache, an infected ingrown toenail, a cold sore (no, not herpes!),…

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Rhymes with Seltzer
Rhymes with Seltzer
By Richard Meltzer • October 9, 2006 12:00 am

The only seminal music theorist to perish in the World Trade Center tragedy, Steamort Sutz, was recently awarded the prestigious…

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Rhymes with Seltzer
Rhymes with Seltzer
By Richard Meltzer • October 9, 2006 12:00 am

Walter Battfatt of Bremerton writes: “It’s always fun to learn that a famous and successful band, known the world over,…

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The Yardbirds
The Yardbirds
By Richard Meltzer • October 9, 2006 12:00 am

The Yardbirds are touring with two original members, you say? Commerce and vanity ‘re funny! If the Stones were suddenly…

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Fusionoid Peckerheads
Fusionoid Peckerheads
By Richard Meltzer • October 9, 2006 12:00 am

And Then the Crowd Showed Up by Tobin Sprout. What a beautiful, brilliant, flimsy little song. The perfect mix of…

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Everclear
Everclear
By Richard Meltzer • October 9, 2006 12:00 am

It carry always could you guess I well. Steer couldn’t you then and hood the on out sit hafta would…

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Ellen Says No
Ellen Says No
By Richard Meltzer • October 9, 2006 12:00 am

On Friday, March 14, the Oslo finch, the three-toed Canadian titmouse, the rainbow potato fish (from Bora Bora), Randolph’s euglena,…

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Rhymes with Seltzer
Rhymes with Seltzer
By Richard Meltzer • October 9, 2006 12:00 am

When my Uncle Laszlo’s will was finally read last week, I became the proud recipient of his collection of classic…

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Rhymes with Seltzer
Rhymes with Seltzer
By Richard Meltzer • October 9, 2006 12:00 am

Names are kind of a big, big deal, y’know?—especially for kids. My idiot folks named me Dickie, for inst. D’you…

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Rhymes with Seltzer
Rhymes with Seltzer
By Richard Meltzer • October 9, 2006 12:00 am

Richard Grossman: “It all falls together. And that’s I think when it becomes dangerous—when you start leaving your factional camps…

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Rhymes with Seltzer
Rhymes with Seltzer
By Richard Meltzer • October 9, 2006 12:00 am

November 18-24 is National Fuck Awareness Week. What is your F.Q. (Fuck Quotient)? You owe it to yourself to be…

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7/11/77
7/11/77
By Richard Meltzer • October 9, 2006 12:00 am

For all intents and porpoises, the gigging juggernaut known as the Dark Star Orchestra has but one basic fancy: to…

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Rhymes with Seltzer
Rhymes with Seltzer
By Richard Meltzer • October 9, 2006 12:00 am

Shit . . . another week and already SOMEONE IS DEAD. It’s Julius Hemphill, and it’s also Knuckles O’Toole. The…

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