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Horoscopes
Aug. 16-22, 2006
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Horoscopes
Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19) All it takes is one Piscean look of disdain and you’re loaded up with…
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Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22)A character on Six Feet Under said something, in
Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22)A character on Six Feet Under said something, in an episode a few weeks ago,…
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March 26April 1, 2003
Aries (March 21-April 19) Stephen King once jokingly claimed that he derived inspiration for his terrifying prose from…
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Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18)Be careful. The boat you’re in is barely afloat.
Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18)Be careful. The boat you’re in is barely afloat. Water laps hungrily at the edges…
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Cancer (June 21–July 22)It never fails. Your birthday swings around, and for
Cancer (June 21–July 22)It never fails. Your birthday swings around, and for some perverse reason, everyone chooses this…
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Aries (March 21–April 19)Your head’s spinning so fast, someone might call in
Aries (March 21–April 19)Your head’s spinning so fast, someone might call in an exorcist. Just don’t start fucking…
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Horoscopes
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) With Mercury finally winging his merry way into your sign next week, some of…
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Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19)Four out of five Americans, at some point in
Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19)Four out of five Americans, at some point in their lives, suffer from spiritual constipation.…
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Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19)Brewing the perfect cup of tea can be painstaking;
Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19)Brewing the perfect cup of tea can be painstaking; steps include preheating the teapot (to…
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April 915, 2003
Aries (March 21-April 19) Your brand of tactless honesty is usually written off (and forgiven) as the innocent…
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Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21)People pretend at shit all the time. They pretend
Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21)People pretend at shit all the time. They pretend to know what they’re talking about…
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Aries (March 21–April 19)When you get something right, it’s very rare that
Aries (March 21–April 19)When you get something right, it’s very rare that you don’t take credit for it.…
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Aries (March 21–April 19)The things we do for love. OK, this week
Aries (March 21–April 19)The things we do for love. OK, this week someone you love is asking you…
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Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22)You can put yourself to sleep counting your demons;
Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22)You can put yourself to sleep counting your demons; there are so many. One by…
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Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22)For good or ill, Libras often see things in
Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22)For good or ill, Libras often see things in terms of personal gain. It’s that…
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Pisces (Feb. 19–March 20)When indulging your unfortunate tendency to dwell on your
Pisces (Feb. 19–March 20)When indulging your unfortunate tendency to dwell on your own flaws, please remember: They’re only…
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Horoscope Aug. 4-10, 2004
Leo (July 23–Aug. 22) Your stubbornness will be the end of you. You keep insisting on learning lessons…