Aries (March 21-April 19) Stephen King once jokingly claimed that he derived inspiration for his terrifying prose from the pickled…
Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18)Be careful. The boat you’re in is barely afloat. Water laps hungrily at the edges of the…
Cancer (June 21–July 22)It never fails. Your birthday swings around, and for some perverse reason, everyone chooses this time of…
Aries (March 21–April 19)Your head’s spinning so fast, someone might call in an exorcist. Just don’t start fucking yourself with…
July 12-18, 2006
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) With Mercury finally winging his merry way into your sign next week, some of the profound…
Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19)Four out of five Americans, at some point in their lives, suffer from spiritual constipation. These cases…
Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19)Brewing the perfect cup of tea can be painstaking; steps include preheating the teapot (to help facilitate…
Aries (March 21-April 19) Your brand of tactless honesty is usually written off (and forgiven) as the innocent truth. “Out…
Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21)People pretend at shit all the time. They pretend to know what they’re talking about when they…
Aries (March 21–April 19)When you get something right, it’s very rare that you don’t take credit for it. You’re not…
Aries (March 21–April 19)The things we do for love. OK, this week someone you love is asking you to do…
Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22)You can put yourself to sleep counting your demons; there are so many. One by one, they…
March 29-April 4, 2006
Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22)For good or ill, Libras often see things in terms of personal gain. It’s that whole scale…
Pisces (Feb. 19–March 20)When indulging your unfortunate tendency to dwell on your own flaws, please remember: They’re only flaws in…
Leo (July 23–Aug. 22) Your stubbornness will be the end of you. You keep insisting on learning lessons the hard…
June 14-20, 2006
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) Naked protesters, hundreds of them, populated downtown Santiago two weeks ago as a petition for peace….
Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18)Use your words, Aquarius. Your unconventional means of communication aren’t getting through. I know you’d like to…
