ON PHONE
Broiler: Hey Nutter, I am showered and toweled and ready for Sunday pranks.
Nutter: Yes, but I have no pants on. That makes me not ready, and sad also.
Broiler: But Nutter, how can you be sad when there are tankards to be had?
Nutter: Tankards?
Broiler: At Von’s.
Nutter: I love tankards at Von’s. I will now find my pants and my smile.
AT VON’S
Nutter: I love being here at Von’s, drinking tankards!
Broiler: Me too, I love tankards!
Nutter: Oooh, the Seahawks are playing the football on the television screen!
Broiler: Kitna is an interception machine!
Nutter: Kitna is built specifically for throwing interceptions. He is a machine!
Broiler: My tankard is empty! I am drunk! Let us go ride the Monorail!
Nutter: To the Monorail!
EN ROUTE
Nutter: We will take the secret entrance that no one knows but me and now you.
Broiler: Did you know that the Monorail was built for the Robot World Series in 1846?
Nutter: Shhhh! Such talk in the secret entrance is forbidden.
Broiler: Secret entrances are great! That way we won’t have to bump into ugly consumers at Westlake.
Nutter: I will negotiate these stairs with much panache.
Broiler: You have to take them three at a time and not be in a hurry.
MONORAIL
Nutter: Ha ha ha, look! That woman has been swallowed by a glass monster!
Broiler: She will make us tickets! Hello ticket lady. Are you busy today?
Ticket Lady: It’s been crowded.
Nutter: Yes because who would not want to ride the Monorail on Sunday!
Ticket Lady: Uh, yeah sure.
Broiler: Do you serve tankards on this futuristic tube train?
Ticket Lady: No.
Nutter: That is a shame because we are tired and thirsty from much activity.
Broiler: Please direct me to the Monorail’s lavatory now.
Nutter: Wow, such a line forming behind us. Let’s all get on the Monorail!
ON THE RAIL
Broiler: Look, a small one. Hey little girl. Do you love the Monorail as much as I do?
Little Girl: Yes!
Broiler: I doubt it!
Nutter: Excuse me sir, do you love the Monorail as much as I do?
Sir: (No response)
Nutter: Can I have some of that hot dog you eat so well?
(Sir leaves)
Nutter: I think he has something against the Monorail, Broiler.
Broiler: Wait, was that a comma there?
Nutter: Why, yes. Here comes the driver, Broiler. We can ask him questions, questions!
Broiler: Do you love to drive the Monorail?
Monorail Driver: Umm, yeah. It’s fine.
Nutter: Do you and the other Monorail captains extend your tour to Von’s?
Broiler: With tankards?
Monorail Driver: No, not really.
Broiler: What’s the craziest thing you’ve seen in all your years driving this steel horse?
Monorail Driver: A fat hairy ass mooning me from the Ramada Inn!
Broiler: That’s funny that you saw a butt!
Nutter: The kind with hair!
Broiler: I love the Ramada Inn!
Nutter: Do girls fall under your power when you drive the Monorail?
Broiler: Do they swoon?
Nutter: Yes, do they swoon?
Monorail Driver: Heh heh. Not really.
Nutter: But you are a hypnotist with your levers and dials. How can it be so?
Broiler: We are at Seattle Center now! What an efficient little worm this is! It’s like we’re flying!
Nutter: Through the skies! Oh look! Here comes another Monorail driver!
Broiler: Yoo hoo. Over here. Can we ask you questions?
Monorail Driver: Sure.
Broiler: Is that big wrench like a key?
Monorail Driver: Sort of.
Nutter: Do you each have your own or do you have to share them?
Monorail Driver: There are a few of them.
Broiler: Sharing is important!
Nutter: His wisdom speaks volumes, and it’s true about what he said.
Broiler: How does the Monorail work?
Monorail Driver: There are a bunch of bus-type wheels that hug the rail. It’s all electric pow—
Broiler: Does it have rechargeable batteries?
Monorail Driver: No, there’s a power line. Sort of like a trolley.
Broiler: A trolley! A trolley!
Nutter: Does this sporty number come standard with antilock brakes?
Monorail Driver: These brakes slow the train down by creating an electromagnetic field.
Nutter: That’s where robot cows graze and breed.
Broiler: Is this like a bullet train?
Monorail Driver: Um, not really.
Broiler: Do you wish it went to Vegas?
Monorail Driver: What?
Broiler: Can I drive it?
Monorail Driver: No!
Nutter: Does driving this every day back and forth drive you crazy?
Broiler: Bonkers?
Nutter: Mad?
Broiler: Are you out for blood?
Monorail Driver: No, it’s fine. I used to drive a bus. This is way less stress and I get to be home at night with my family.
Broiler: Family is important!
Nutter: Do you think you’re the best Monorail driver ever?
Monorail Driver: I don’t know. I’m pretty good at it.
Nutter: I think you’re the best Monorail driver ever.
(Monorail driver blushes)
Broiler: Here we are back at Westlake. The Monorail Driver has to go to the other side of the train now.
Nutter: Bye! Thank you for the answers you give. Hey Broiler! Let’s ride this back and forth seven more times and then get more tankards! I want to get my $1.25’s worth.
Broiler: Monorail! Monorail!
Nutter: Tankards! Tankards!
Broiler: I love Sundays and I love the Monorail and I love tankards at Von’s!
Nutter and Broiler: We love Seattle’s Secret Monorail! And tankards at Von’s!
Nutter: And John Kitna!
