This week: Sea-Tac!

On Phone

Nutter: Hello?

Broiler: Hello, this message is for Danny Nutter. Tell him that Markie Broiler called at 8:15am. He would like Danny Nutter to meet him at Von’s immediately, and then to talk about tankards until Von’s opens up for tankards.

Nutter: Broiler it’s me. Nutter.

Broiler: Tell him his answering machine is tricky with no working beep.

Nutter: I have no machine for answering, only for interception.

Broiler: Good then. Bye.

At Von’s

Nutter: Ole! It is good that they have finally opened. Now we are no longer obstructing commerce for beautiful downtown Seattle Washington and the people who make it beautiful.

Broiler: Your chirping is like weasels in my head. It is time to shop for beer!

Nutter: Broiler, they have installed all new drinking devices and/or equipment.

Broiler: Service Staff Employee, what does all this white drinking equipment make?

Employee: What? The toilets?

Broiler: Sir, I want an old fashioned tankard at Von’s because I love tankards at Von’s.

Nutter: Me too, I love wearing old fashions while also wearing tankards at Von’s.

Broiler: Let us gallop to the proper taps.

Nutter: But I am now a sad horse.

Broiler: But assuredly eager and oiled. Tankards have made you happy in the past, no?

Nutter: Yes, but Broiler, we have already found all of Seattle’s Secret Spots.

Broiler: It is true. We are the world’s best detectives of mysteries.

Nutter: Look Broiler, that woman speaks into her wallet, like what you do when you ask it for money to purchase too many tankards and also maybe gums or cashews or hot wings.

Broiler: Why are her words so loud and her hair attacking her head so?

Nutter: Shhhh, I hear mysteries.

Girl: NORDSTROM was packed of course, but I got a nice wrap. I think I’ll fall into the Gap, but I’m so not going to Old Navy. I’ll stop by Blockbuster on the way home. I heard Mickey Blue Eyes was funny. Yeah. I should be back in Kirkland by dinnertime. Love ya. Bye.

Broiler: What is this Blockbuster she speaks of. It sounds simply precious! And you can get eyes!

Nutter: Shut up Broiler, she speaks of a foreign land. A Kirk Land! A new secret spot!

Broiler: How can it be? We are the best locators of spots and also places and we have never found a Kirk Land.

Nutter: We have met our match. And now she has left. We shall go to this Kirk Land!

Broiler: And become kings.

Nutter: And princesses.

Broiler: But how to get there without the knowing how?

Nutter: Ms. Tankard Delivery person? How to get to a foreign land?

Bartender: What?

Broiler: We are looking to go to a foreign land.

Nutter: And become princes too.

Bartender: Try the airport.

Nutter: Of course. The hair part. Does the Monorail go there?

Bartender: No, but the bus does.

Broiler: To the Monorail!

At the Airport

Broiler: It was nice of the Monorail driver to mail us to the hair part in his mini-Monorail.

Nutter: What an exotic envelope! And no stamps too!

Broiler: I really hope his friend woman isn’t what he says “cheating” on him.

Nutter: You cheated on me and I hated you a lot.

Broiler: Yes. When I said “UNO” but I had two cards and then I played a reverse green and then I had UNO when I had diez y ocho and I hurt YOUR feelings.

Nutter: You talk funny today. Like your lips are someplace else on your body.

Broiler: You can bet I’m a wily foe of justice and also the law or people.

Nutter: Look Broiler, we can claim baggage! I claim it all on behalf of King County of Kirk Land!

Passenger: Excuse me sir, I think that’s my bag.

Broiler: Nope. I am King County!

Nutter: Surely there is enough baggage for all. Do not distract us further lest we behead thee and throw thee into thine moat of beep beep machines.

Broiler: Nutter look! A chair with wheels so you can sleep while the walking!

Nutter: Ha ha, it reminds me of when you broke off my legs in half. Could that be the entrance to Kirk Land over there?

Broiler: It is so well guarded, I’d better speak for both of our mouths. Fair men of the land of Kirk, lend me your ears, but I will give them back with uninteresting erotic stories. We have come—

Guard: Just put your bag on the conveyor belt and walk through.

Nutter: It worked Broiler. We have earned their trust and gained entry to their King Dome.

Broiler: It is a strange land indeed, but familiar to smell. Surely there is a secret passageway to the real Kirk Land.

Nutter: I will spit on imposter Kirk Land. Pfffltt.

Broiler: Hark! An underground worm! Let us mount her.

Nutter: She speaks a secret Monorail language and she moves with such sound and fury.

Broiler: Quick, out the doors lest we be swallowed up again and this time not like it maybe.

Nutter: Look! Beyond the glass. They are robot dinosaurs!

Broiler: It’s the prehistoric future I bet—what a land this is.

Nutter: I don’t want them to maybe eat me.

Broiler: Ha ha ha, robot dinosaurs cannot be trusted or disarmed.

Nutter: Broiler, ask yon lady where a good place to hide from robot dinosaurs in Kirk Land is.

Broiler: No. There is no time. What are these Arrivals all about? Who is this Al Buquerque?

Nutter: A challenger to the throne! He arrives at 1:45! There is little time!

Broiler: We shall be slain without even the tankards in our hand to be drinking!

Nutter: Fair lady! We seek refuge from robot dinosaurs and challengers to King County!

Ticket Agent: Why don’t you go back to the bar until your plane comes in.

Broiler: Wait, Nutter look! It is as if Von’s has followed us to this Kirk Land!

Nutter: Oi! My eyes are looking at the pretty that I can’t believe!

Broiler: Taps, sluts, and grunts! Ahoy foamy head to go into my head!

Nutter: The seats that are not attached to the ground float like lilypads on a pond of beer and some water. We are as safe as princess frogs.

Broiler: Kirk Land is heaven!

Nutter: Heaven has tankards!

Broiler: I love tankards in Kirk Land.

Nutter: Me too. I love tankards in heaven. But not robot dinosaurs.