“As rough as a bear’s arse.” “As sharp as a beach ball.” “As sick as a small hospital.” “As small as a mouse’s diddy.” “As useful as a lighthouse on a bog.” “As useful as a cigarette lighter on a motorbike.” “As useless as a chocolate teapot.” “As useless as tits on a bull.” Thanks to www.irishslang.co.za for letting us know just how we’ll feel after this weekend of assured debauchery in honor of St. Patrick. Well, maybe you won’t, especially if your celebration is confined to the two-day Irish Festival at Seattle Center. But further down the road, through the cobblestone backstreets of Post Alley, you’ll find that Kells Irish Restaurant & Pub has already been celebrating their 25th annual party for seven days. And it’s not officially over until tomorrow. But today is the actual holiday, so join in for boisterous entertainment from The Whole Hog, Corner Bhoys (both from Belfast), Servants of the Rich, Ockham’s Razor, and more. Kells, 1916 Post Alley, 728-1916. $20. 10 a.m.-2 a.m. RACHEL SHIMP

March 13-18, 2008