People that take jabs at Kell’s, Fado, and F.X. McRory’s for being St. Patrick’s Day amateur hours (and hours, and hours) are the same as those who lament the existence of Pioneer Square. Nonsense—without such sponges, the rawest sewage of humanity is liable to spread. So, raise a pint to these locales, because when you head north to Conor Byrne, you’ll be well clear of the spill. Owned by three thirty-something lads—66.6 percent of whom are 100 percent Irish—Conor’s would celebrate St. Patty’s Day anyway, but the recently completed installation of a new front entrance means that co-proprietor Diarmuid Cullen has placed a special order for a batch of Middleton Very Rare Irish Whiskey, which he’ll sell at $35 a shot (sip it, don’t rip it). Musical entertainment will be handled by Crumac (3 p.m.-6 p.m.) and the Tallboys (9 p.m.-midnight), the new door will open at noon instead of four, and Guinness will be poured into 20-ounce glasses on a day when most bars cheat with plastic. (21 and over.) MIKE SEELY

Wed., March 17, noon, 2010