Greatest headlines/conversation starters of the day:Former French President Chirac Hospitalized After Mauling By “Clinically Depressed” Poodle – One wonders how one goes about diagnosing a poodle for emotional problems. Awesome. Sublime, really. I bet you’re thinking it must be one of those giant poodles? Click the link.Choke Victim Blames Big Bite – In other news, “bear shits in woods.” The only news nugget of this story–Tom “Top Chef” Colicchio was the one that gave her the Heimlich to dislodge the chicken kebob in question.(pictured: The Met’s Grape Nehi, sub Sauza Conmemorativo as mentioned in this week’s Search & Distill)