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As close to the bars as a 19-year-old intern can get. What

Published 7:00 am Monday, September 24, 2012

11:53: My night begins at 45th and University Way, aka The Ave. I decide to start south and work my way north.
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11:53: My night begins at 45th and University Way, aka The Ave. I decide to start south and work my way north.
11:53: My night begins at 45th and University Way, aka The Ave. I decide to start south and work my way north.
12:04 Outside of Finn MacCool's Irish Pub, I got to watch a reenactment of donkey punching bitches. One guy outside, having no idea what that meant, volunteered to be the victim to the amusement of everyone watching.
12:06: A car parked outside the bar had a window sticker asking Who's in your Fave 5? It got some interesting responses taped on by bar patrons, including your mom, sleep, booze and Jimmy Carter.
12:09: The look of loneliness. Ave bars are known for being strict with fake IDs.Bouncer: Hey, one second.(reappears) Well, I gave your ID to my boss.Kid: Can I have it back?Bouncer: Nope, already gave it to my boss.
12:16: A guy comes out of Flowers, a vegetarian bar that's not that cool, with a slice of pizza.
12:22: My view through the wire at Earl's on the Ave. Sadly, that's the closest I can get to the action at age 19.
12:31: After having his ID taken by the bouncer at Earl's, this guy (white shirt) was more active in his retrieval methods than the kid earlier. I admire his idiocy, running his mouth despite being outsized by even the female bouncer. But, when the cops came, he was nowhere to be found.
12:37: Mike has been coming to Earl's for over five years, since before it was at this location. This used to be the best place on earth, he said.
12:42: On a tip from Mike I detoured from the Ave to check out Fusion Ultra Lounge, which turned out to be hosting Latin Night. It was packed, just like he'd said, and DJ Delicious was spinning great tunes that I could hear from across the street.
12:54: The bouncer at Fusion seemed like he was having a good time with his job in charge of the pat-down. When one guy got through the line after hassling another bouncer, he put on a devilish grin and said, Oh yeah, well now I get to touch ya!
1:08: Working my way up, I passed Pita Pit expecting to find a crowd at one of the favored drunk-eating spots. Instead, I found this guy dancing his heart out on the curb. A cop driving by even played some music over his loudspeaker for him.
1:12: Passing Memo's 24-hour Mexican Restaurant, I was shocked to find the mecca of greasy drunk eating to be nearly empty. A group of kids at the center table were the only patrons.
1:15: Drizzunk. I found Patrick across the street from A-Pizza Mart, who had just finished his 21st drink on his 21st birthday and promptly walked out to let fly. To his friends, me, and anyone else, I'm going to fuck your mom in the ass! And yours twice!
1:32: Back at the corner of 45th, I weighed my options. I'd been out for over an hour and a half, and thought I'd had plenty of adventure. Last call will have to wait for another night.

As close to the bars as a 19-year-old intern can get. What a clear-headed observer saw between Midnight and 1 a.m. in his new hometown. Story and photos by Nick Feldman.Published on July 6, 2008

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