We’ve all had those friends . . . the one you can
Published 7:00 am Friday, September 24, 2010
We’ve all had those friends . . . the one you can call at any hour and know she won’t be angry. The one you loaned your favorite cashmere sweater to before you’d even had a chance to wear it. You finish each other’s sentences. You never need a reminder for her birthday and spend more on her gift than you did on your mom’s. They are your absolute BFF. Well, until they fall in love. Then they immediately fall off the radar and you don’t hear from them until a) they’re single again; or, b) expect you to be a bridesmaid/best lady even though you haven’t seen them in over a year. It’s infuriating. But according to Oxford University, evolutionary biologist Robin Dunbar, not at all unexpectedDunbar says, “If you go into a romantic relationship, it actually costs you two friends in that inner core of relationships.” Even though women tend to have five or six close friends, and men, four or five, that’s really not much left for either gender once two are banished. So not only does this leave you relatively high and dry when you realize that pedicures with your boyfriend isn’t the laugh riot they were with your friend, it also puts a lot of pressure on your partner to be all things to all people. And even the most perfect boy/girlfriend gets annoying sometimes—if you have no friends left, who are you going to complain to about his ball-scratching issues or her obsession with spendy moisturizers? It also means you’re screwed if (when) your relationship goes south. Who’s going to hand you a hanky if your three remaining friends are busy? So while Dunbar’s results may be true, it doesn’t mean they’re inevitable. Having been disappointed by far too many of these friends in my life (and perhaps having been one myself when I was very young), I learned the importance of prioritizing pals, no matter how much sweet love action I’m getting. Because if that chimp ever goes limp, you better believe someone’s going to have to listen to my bitching.
