From our partners at True Crime Report comes this tale of border-state boneheadedness. Shane Alexander, 20, and Jason Vantress, 30, are two huge dumb-asses from Portland, Oregon who decided to go shoplifting the other day. And they just happened to pick a Fred Meyer store. That wouldn’t be a problem on most days, but Wednesday the store was hosting Shop with a Cop Day.

It’s sponsored annually by the Portland Police Department, where 150 kids from the Boys and Girls Club and the Rose Community Center go back-to-school shopping with the cops.

Jason Vantress made a classic stupid criminal mistake: He convinced himself he was actually smart.

The kids each get $150 vouchers to shop for clothing and supplies, the cops take them around the store, and St. Peter declares it a very cool day in Portland. Am I right?

So naturally the police turn out in force for the event. There are canine units and mounted officers, and nearly 60 cops from beat guys to commanders helping the kids. So you might think this particular Fred Meyer is the last place you wanna go shoplifting.

But not if you’re Alexander and Vantress. They figured all those cops would be too busy helping the kids to notice two morons shoplifting. So they went around the store cutting off tags and stuffing blenders, shoes, clothes and tools in their backpacks.

Of course, someone happened to notice this. We’re guessing guys this dumb are not exactly smooth when it comes to their shoplifting maneuvers. And fortunately for the store, there were plenty of officers available to arrest their asses.

They’re now charged with theft and criminal idiocy.

For more dumb criminals, check out the case of the burglars who left a sex tape in the house they’d just broken into.