Imagine walking up to an acquaintance, friend, or even your sister, and–unasked–telling
Published 7:00 am Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Imagine walking up to an acquaintance, friend, or even your sister, and–unasked–telling them that they shouldn’t have had those children of theirs. How their spawn are a drain on the environment, how you know they’re secretly leading a life of despair, and how your life is so much more fun, fulfilling, and fanfreakingastic without the miserable burden of children polluting it. You’d probably expect a punch, or at least a harumph, right? Well, this month, Nerve’s allegedly “cool” parenting blog, Babble, did essentially the same thing–in the opposite direction–when they ran an essay (and ridiculous slideshow) called “The Aniston Syndrome.” Subtitled “What Happens When Women Wait Too Long to Have a Baby?” the article once again uses Jennifer Aniston as a cautionary tale for sad, childless spinsters everywhere. Never mind her mansions, ginormous bank account, and and killer bod at 40-whatever–she hasn’t procreated, therefore she is but half a woman. Rachel Lehmann-Haupt, the author of the essay, explains how at 37, her man friend of barely a year called her desperate and hysterical after she flipped out when he refused to commit to baby-making. The rest is a saga of freezing eggs, infertility treatments, etc. Yawn. Another procreation panic article questioning whether “feminism” has fucked women out of having children, the assumption being that pretty much all women want to go down this same diaper- and puke-strewn road. As someone who has never even considered having kids, I do feel for these women who want nothing more than to reproduce, but I can’t say I fully empathize with the yearning. Just as, apparently, those in the throes of fertility fever can’t fathom those of us who’d rather change a litterbox than a diaper. Which would explain the accompanying slideshow–since pulled after an internet shitstorm–that listed a bunch of so-far barren female celebs, who, like Aniston, “may have waited too long” to reproduce. According to Babble, 40-year-old Renee Zellweger should be pressuring her younger man, Bradley Cooper, into sharing his seed, while old crone Kristin Davis was advised to adopt (she’s 45). No mention of whether any of the women mentioned actually want to have children. In fact, Rachael Ray was on the list, though she’s stated several times that she has no desire for children. Most women know that their chances of conceiving a kid lessen with every year. This is not news. Nor is it fair that you’re most fertile when you’re also most stupid and broke, but life is full of unfairness. My current beef is how unfair it is that at this late date, women are still having to defend their choice to remain child-free. But instead of bitching and moaning, I’m going to go listen to this and read STFU Parents and Reasons to be Happy You Don’t Have Kids and pat myself on the back for having made the right choice.
