“Thank you, Dana, for defending my honor–even though I’m a total asshole!”There’s
Published 8:00 am Friday, February 26, 2010
“Thank you, Dana, for defending my honor–even though I’m a total asshole!”There’s nothing quite like spreading around a little mayhem to make yourself feel like a big man. On Wednesday I sponsored a Twitter contest. Anyone could enter; the only rule was that you had to answer, in a Twitter update of 140 characters or less, this question: “What will Ferran Adria do once El Bulli closes?”I got lots of awesome responses, and found myself giggling like a schoolgirl as I scrolled through all of the “@surlygourmand” replies. I also got a lot more blowback than I’m used to, and that’s coming from a guy who’s accustomed to plenty of blowback–from your mom.Third place goes to Jane Hudson, who wrote that “Adria will now sell unsatisfying versions of our other favorites: sex with no climax + drugs with no high!” Maybe he’ll also start selling foam with no air, which I suppose would just be some liquid on a plate.Scott Heimendinger, and yes, that’s his real name, writes the excellent blog Seattle Food Geek. He’s also a molecular gastronomist in his own right, with a big enough sense of humor to participate in the contest. He came in second place with his response: “[Adria will] foam his own semen with CO2, and serve it on the shaved chest of a gagged unic. The dish will be called ‘Summer Salad.'” I actually threw up in my mouth when I read this. And not a little bit, either: I threw up enough in my own mouth so that my cheeks puffed out and my eyes got all squinty when I tasted my own puke, making me look briefly like Popeye. The best part about Scott’s entry is the “gagged unic.” Does he mean “eunuch” and ran out of characters? Or is he suggested that Adria serve up a frothy spermy foam on the chest of a unicorn? Either way, this was so fucking awesome I punched myself in the nuts.Finally, the gold medal goes to Dana Cree, the well- known pastry chef at Poppy. Dana is a professional molecular gastronomist who took offense at my flippant bullshit and basically told me to fuck off without resorting to ad hominem attacks or any other tomfoolery. A well- reasoned, cohesive, and civilized argument on the internet? What a novel concept! For her diabolical rhetorical skill, Dana wins the $50 gift certificate to Spring Hill.
Congratulations, Dana!The moral of the story, if there is one, is this: don’t take any shit from retarded assholes (like me!) on the internet.Rating: 10.1 awesome contests out of 10
