Bumbershoot, we’ve been through a lot together. Every year, you bring the
Published 7:00 am Monday, July 20, 2009
Bumbershoot, we’ve been through a lot together. Every year, you bring the best Northwest talent and some damn fine the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, the Old 97s, Portland Cello Project and the Cold War Kids. But there was no recovering from these iffy atrocious choices. Come on: Jason Mraz, Katy Perry, the All-American Rejects AND Michael Franti? All in the same three days? And Metric plays at the same time as Modest Mouse? Is there no justice in the world? Perhaps our old punching bag, the recession, had something to do with this kiddie pop-meets-jam-band nightmare.And yet, aside from the atrocious mainstage line-up, there are a lot of excellent bands playing on the smaller stages (which are more fun anyway). Even if you’re a fan of one of the four artists I just ragged on, Bumbershoot, like all festivals, is a place where you can discover all kinds of new music that you might like, not just see the same old radio bands. Then it occurred to me: the media’s been all over the place with unsolicited advice on how to make healthier choices when it comes to what we eat and how we live. Well, I believe the same philosophy applies to music. But today, I’m asking you to do the sonic equivalent of putting down that candy bar and pick up a banana. You’ll thank yourself later. And I’ll thank you if next year, Bumbershoot’s mainstage manages to be just a little less corporate radio-heavy. Instead of:Katy Perry. Sure, she comes in a cute, colorful cellophane package, but all that’s in there is sugar and a whole lot of empty calories. A better choice: Metric. Emily Haines is a real woman with real musical skill, and her pop songs are actually catchy rather than monotone shouting. Instead of: Michael Franti (imitation krab)Check out:Black Joe Lewis and the Honeybears (real crab)You want to dance to funk. Well, guess what. Michael Franti and Spearhead are about as funky as a pack of Saltines. Black Joe Lewis and the Honeybears deliver the real thing, with soul and personality, and once you get a taste of the real stuff, you’ll never eat Krab again.Instead of: Jason Mraz (potato chips)He sedates you with his soothing voice and inoffensive melodies. But all that saturated fat? Straight to your thighs, girl. Check out:Hey Marseilles (veggie chips). Matt Bishop is way hotter than Jason Mraz, and his sweet pop songs inspired by the old country are guaranteed to make you swoon. Satisfies the cravings, with less than half the fat!Instead of: the All-American Rejects The saccharine earnestness of these guys is like drinking the biggest of Big Gulps. The shock to the system is enough to give you diabetes. Instead, check out:The Lonely ForestNot only is the music better, you won’t have to deal with mobs of teenagers (actually, if you’re NOT a teenager, you may want to ask yourself what you’re doing at an All-American Rejects concert in the first place. Trolling for jailbait is not an acceptable answer). Instead, you can watch a pop songwriter from our neck of the woods rock out, and in the likely event that the Lonely Forest finds itself rocking “We Sing in Time” on MTV in six months, you’ll be able to say you saw them first and impress all your teenage friends. Because…you are a teenager. Right?
