Pot's been legal since last week. So are you hungry yet?
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Pot's been legal since last week. So are you hungry yet?
*See Also Seattle's Top 10 French Fries
In honor of Washington leading the legalization charge, we present here a list of the very best dishes to seek out when the endocannabinoids tell your body it's time to get grubbing. Sadly, the list is missing one dish which should be on every toker's short list: We meant to include the barbecue nachos at Bitterroot BBQ (the same Ballard restaurant which, in a visionary move made months before I-502 was on the ballot, began allowing customers to choose from a list of eight mac-and-cheese toppings, including bacon and pulled pork.) But list-compiler Erin Thompson, in good stoner fashion, forgot.
Potstickers--fried, savory, and easy to pop in the mouth--are an ultimate stoners' treat. If you're looking for something a little more quality than Costco's frozen variety, Regent Bakery and Cafe's are a great option. They're stuffed with minced pork, not overly greasy, and a platter of six is just $5.95 ($3 during happy hour!) Best of all, you can indulge in some of Regent's delicious sticky buns or fruity cakes afterwards. There's a Regent in Capitol Hill and in Redmond, so stoners of both sides of the lake can indulge.
9. Ham cracklings, The Coterie Room
Eaters anxious for a cheap pork dish given the glamour treatment can treat themselves to The Coterie Room's extraordinary ham cracklings. Southerners make cracklings, or pork rinds, by frying fatty pig skin. Brian McCracken and Dana Tough have a different method. To produce their cracklings, the Coterie Room makes a ham stock and heats it to 194 degrees. The stock ends up in a blender with tapioca flour, with the resulting plaster rolled into a log. Cooks then shave off bits of the porky flour for frying. The weightless cracklings are fairly magical. They melt on the tongue in a pool of rich salt that evokes a very American history of utilizing the whole hog--and a very Seattle future of scientific cookery.
Some believe that a life lived without People's Pub fried pickles is no life at all. The dill pickle spears are breaded and deep-fried and are served with garlic aioli ($6.50, $4 during happy hour). The perfect amount of breading creates a light and crunchy coating that's fully committed to the pickle. The result is a crisp and delicate texture that's not soggy, greasy or too thick. It's easy to ruin a good dill pickle. Making it taste even better? That's the hard part. The People's Pub pulls it off.
Whoever said pizza deserves to be elevated to some kind of expensive foodie snob-a-thon? Not this Caesar, who decrees that we should keep it simple, stupid. We're talking dough, sauce, cheese and whatever the hell you want on top. And it's cheap. If your hunger's particularly urgent, the best deal is the $5 Hot-n-Ready: a large pizza ready as soon as you walk in the door, no call-ahead required, effectively eliminating any tortuous wait time.
At Icon, the chefs take their standard mac and cheese, lay it into a sheet pan, and let it cool completely. They then cut it into squares and bread it with flour, egg and Panko crumbs. The winning combo is in the cheeses: sharp yellow cheddar, extra sharp white cheddar, dry aged jack and the ever-surprising Velveeta. The fried cubes are served with a sharp cheddar con queso and a spectacular smoked tomato bacon rouille.
A hamburger with peanut butter and bacon will make sense as soon as you bite into it: a grilled patty slathered with a buttery spread that takes the role of cheese in a traditional burger. But the savory bacon and hamburger meld with the slightly sweet peanut butter to create a taste that's a clear departure from the burgers you're probably used to eating. King's has had The After-School Special ($9.50) on their menu since they opened in 2006. The burger is piled high with onions, lettuce, and tomato. The Adams natural peanut butter they use gives off a subtle taste. And after eating it, believe it or not, you won't feel like your stomach just hit the floor.
Bimbo's is a gift from God to inebriated Seattleites, serving stiff drinks and burritos the size of babies late into the night. But the most daunting offering on the Mexican bar's menu is the Stoner Nachos. This aptly named creation is nothing short of epic: A huge plate of Nacho Cheese Doritos comes loaded with melted cheese, green onions, homemade salsa, cumin-lime sour cream, and jalapeños. For $1 extra, you can add your choice of herb-roasted chicken or pepper shredded beef. Hell, get both!
A hole-in-the-wall with a lot of history and a 12-egg omelet of legend, Beth's has been featured on almost every Food Network and Travel Channel show in existence. It's been around for almost 60 years, serving mondo cinnamon rolls and lightened up mini breakfasts all night long. Forget mini, though--when your craving is powerful, go for The Sampler, a plate of biscuits soaked in sausage gravy, two eggs, toast, and, like all Beth's dishes, a gargantuan side of all-you-can-eat hash browns.
God, salty food is delicious when you're stoned. And in terms of salty deliciousness, you won't do much better than a bowl of poutine at Smith. The cheese curds give a decent bite back even at their hottest. The fries themselves are thick and so soaked through in their pool of gravy that they come off as Dick's Drive-In fries on steroids. For further enhancement and $5 extra, they'll even mix in some rich, meaty bits of short rib.
Frequent stoners will regularly experience moments when they feel that will perish unless they have in front of them a lot of food in a little amount of time. They will have no patience to travel far to get it, and they will want to purchase it with whatever cash is stuffed in their pocket at the moment and at whatever time of day or night it is. Thus, any combination of Dick's food--quantities of small cheeseburgers, bags of fries, a hand-dipped shake or two--is unarguably the Seattle stoner's ultimate go-to. It's fast, convenient, cheap, and eternally satisfying.