jesusyoga.jpg
A Lecosho fan.
The inimitable Surly Gourmand no longer writes a weekly column on Voracious anymore, much to everyone's chagrin. But he still contributes on

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Three Unforgettable Lines From The Surly Gourmand's Review of Lecosho

jesusyoga.jpg
A Lecosho fan.
The inimitable Surly Gourmand no longer writes a weekly column on Voracious anymore, much to everyone's chagrin. But he still contributes on occasion, and updates his personal blog irregularly with reviews like the one he filed yesterday on Lecosho.

As with any Surly review, there are some unforgettable turns of phrase. To some, they're going to be extremely offensive. To others, they will be brilliant and hilarious. To still others, they'll be all of the above. That's the power of The Surly Gourmand.

You should really read everything he wrote about Lecosho, but we've done you a Friday-afternoon favor and selected our three favorite excerpts:

  • "Lecosho is so goddamned awesome, Jesus Christ obviously came back from the dead to eat there. Unfortunately, Jesus's timing sucks because he came back from the dead a couple thousand years too early to eat at Lecosho, which sucks for him and all the zillions of people who died without eating there. Almost as motherfucking awesome as Lecosho is the fact that Word's spell check software recognizes 'motherfucking' but not 'Lecosho.' That's progress."
  • "Like a bitchy Republican from a Podunk congressional district, these beets screamed red-faced at full volume, dominating the proceedings."
  • "If you don't know what porchetta is, allow me to explain with this fanciful meaty analogy: imagine a world made entirely of meat. The crown prince of this fleshy land is a fat kid, whose torso is made of meatloaf, his cock is a salami, and each of his legs is a whole prosciutto. His fiery, proud eyes are spicy meatballs, and instead of freckles, his nose is dotted with bacon bits. All hail King Meatyass! In his hand he holds the sacred symbol of his office, Porchetta: a pinwheel made of meat, this holy relic spins lazily in the carnivorous wind which blows across King Meatyass's kingdom."

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