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Julien Perry
Chili Chili Cheese Cheese Tots Tots (from 5Point ) cause cause double double chins chins.
Ooooo, potatoes , they're just so controversial, no?!

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Seattle's Fattest Potato Dishes

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Julien Perry
Chili Chili Cheese Cheese Tots Tots (from 5Point) cause cause double double chins chins.
Ooooo, potatoes, they're just so controversial, no?! Well, according to a recent article in The Baltimore Sun, this underground, tuberous tyrant is to blame for literally decades of weight gain from coast to coast. As the article mentions, "One theory of why eating an extra daily helping of potatoes could make people plumper was that it produces a surge of blood sugar levels in the body. As your body reacts to the surge, you feel hungry and eat more." Yes. This sounds about right, but is it the blood-sugar surge, or the beer talking here? Honestly. A better question might be, "Who cares, and where's the nearest batch of piping-hot cheese fries?" To that end, here's a short list of Seattle-based locales where you can lay your hands and hips on the fattest potatoes around.

Greasiest, Old School Fries

Dick's, duh. They're so classic, Voracious has an entire column dedicated to comparisons around town by our very own Laura Onstot, in the gripping weekly column, Versus. Whether you're a Seattle native, raised on the tiny pouches of skin-on grease sticks, or you're an East Coast transplant who discovered Dick's fries in lower Queen Anne after getting thrown out of Ozzie's after a karaoke battle gone wrong (and we're not saying we have), there is something undeniably addicting about these fries.

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Laura Onstot
Ennie, Meenie, Miney, Moe - I'll take them all!

Gratuitous Death by Potatoes

As Seattle Weekly's own Julien Perry experienced in her 12-egg omelet challenge, the epically chronicled hash-brown pileup at Beth's (the crowd favorite being any of the "siders") are golden brown, crispy and nothing to shake your fork at. Word to the wary: Bring a friend or five to tackle this mountain with you, and serve as proof that you at least attempted the unthinkable first--eating them all yourself--before crying for help.

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Julien Perry
That 'a girl!

Fattycakes, Fattycakes

"The original West Seattle Jak's," as Jason Sheehan wrote, "is a simple, tenaciously neighborhoody place." And while Jak's does its breed proud by serving up all the steakhouse regulars, it has one little black sheep favorite he clues us into--the potato pancake. For $4 you get to eat two types of breakfast at once (since potato pancakes double up for hash browns and pancakes), during dinner, and pretend it counts as a legitimate vegetable. But to be honest, you really do need all that starch to soak up all that red wine and bechamel, so it's more like doing yourself a favor, right?

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Copyright Jak's Grill 2010

Taters McDrunkTots

The Wallingford dive bar that is Leny's does a small handful of things really well, including (but not limited to) the best mensroom urinal. But that's a whole different article--we're here to discuss what the hell Leny has been sprinkling on those tater tots. After your first 10-15 tots, you're actually trying to pinpoint why you can't stop eating them. Good luck figuring it out, or eating less than 50 of those crispy-on-the-outside and steamy-hot-and-greasy on the inside dumplings. These go down in the Guinness Book of Fat Records for fantastic fried-food fantasy fulfilled. Check please!

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Seattle Weekly

Casserole-over-and-play-dead

To round out this bevy of carbful heavy hitters, a casserole must be included. Yes, of course it must have a protein, a cheese, and the whole thing cannot, under any circumstances, come in under 5,000 calories a serving. So once again, we look to our in-house potato maven, Julien Perry, to lead us down the yellow brick road (which is made from sharp cheddar melted over tater tots) to the mother load of all potato casseroles at Zayda Buddy's. Perry says it best, "This creamy baked beef hot dish ($9.99) is topped with tater tots and cheddar. Zayda's loves their tots. Not only can you order them as a side, you can find them on most of their breakfast pizzas." So that's three reasons to go, and really you just needed the one to get in the car.

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Julien Perry

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