Sarducci's Sub(par) Sandwiches

Siiri Sampson 2011.
Trying to hide your cheap, crappy ingredients inside a big, fluffy loaf of bread only distracts me for so long.
The beauty of a sub sandwich is there's really no right or wrong way to make it, or so it would seem. Add some cheese, sauces, deli meats, chopped veggies -- it's basically a big salad wrapped in bread, thereby allowing you to forgo the fork and knife and be the heathen you really are. Toasted? Sure! Dijon mustard and mayo and spicy Southwest sauce and oil and vinegar? Of course! The more, the merrier. Sounds simple, right? Enter Sarducci's Specialty Subs in Kirkland (955 6th St S), where they've managed to make a complete mess of the easiest food item ever.

Sarducci's occupies a small suite in a Kirkland strip mall. So small that upon arrival it's completely full of middle-aged men and the lunch-rush line has reached the door. Waiting outside for a few minutes until the line moves up isn't that bad. After all, it must be a good sign, since places that suck are usually deserted, with a swarm of flies out front as a warning sign.

Siiri Sampson 2011.
That seems pretty sanitary....for a prison.
The inside is set up like a mid-90's man cave, replete with every Seahawks' team photo and Seagals' autographed picture from the past 10 years or so.The guys behind the counter are either short-staffed or experiencing an untenable spike in business. Two things become readily apparent: (A) subs are the only item being ordered even though there are calzone and pizzas available, and (B) although the staff is wearing gloves to handle your food, they're dragging it across the counter top, with nothing underneath it. That's right: Hoagie, meet linoleum. Linoleum, meet Hoagie. But at least they haven't dropped it on the floor.

There's nowhere to sit; the three cramped tables are occupied, so now it's a to-go order. The final result is soggy bread and highly processed turkey, a la Lunchables. Except for the lettuce, toppings were skimpy and the tuna was oddly sugary, like it had sweet pickle relish in it; a flavor that didn't mesh well with the savory notes of the other ingredients. All things considered, if you're Jonesing for a hearty and quality sandwich, skip Sarducci's and head to Gilbert's.

Follow Voracious on Facebook and Twitter.

comments powered by Disqus