Black Market_bottle pic.jpg
To cheese? Or not to cheese? That should NOT be the question, and yet here we are.
Three things make food taste better than it


5 Fancy Black-Market Foods

Black Market_bottle pic.jpg
To cheese? Or not to cheese? That should NOT be the question, and yet here we are.
Three things make food taste better than it actually is: starvation, drunkenness, and breaking the law. The United States (government, that is) has built up quite the list of foods they don't want us to have, import, or grow. So selfish! But the old saying is true: "Where there's a will, there's a way!" (Not that we're condoning your wayward behaviors!) Over the past hundred years in this country, waves of censure-ship have waxed and waned. Just imagine what life would be like in 2011 if prohibition were still in full effect! Take a peek at five of the hottest fancy black-market foods and drinks out there, just waiting for you to smuggle them home.

Breast Milk Cheese

Now famously referred to as "Mom-zarella," this trend has been gaining steam and attention throughout the cutting-edge culinary world and now the mass media. With no real lack of animal cheeses in the world, what the hell would possess a chef to think up such a whack creation? Everything about this seems off, and brings to mind that episode of Friends where they dare Ross to drink Rachel's breast milk. Admit it, you're curious, and you'd pay someone else at least $5 to try it first.

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Photo Credit: Tamara Beckwith

Raw Milk

To be raw, or not to be raw--that is now the question. Just like those reportedly "crazy" moms who don't inoculate their children, there's a whole group (or cult, depending on your stance) of believers out there bound and determined to make unpasteurized milk available for the masses. Pros include eight essential amino acids and freedom for the lactose-intolerant. Cons, however, purportedly include the potential to contract tick-borne encephalitis and rabies. We'll take 10 gallons!

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Photo Credit: Desk of Brian


These weird little purple baseballs full of fluffy white, brain-like innards come out of Southeast Asia. Well, actually they don't come out of Southeast Asia, they stay there. With the high likelihood of transporting Asian fruit flies--which can devastate crops faster than you can say locusts--these exotic fruits have a one-way ticket to nowhere, at least for North America and Europe. Although they are now imported (or smuggled) from a handful of non-native countries, the originals are still out of reach. If you want 'em, you gotta go get 'em!

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Photo Credit: User KayEss via wikipedia

Sassafras Oil (safrole)

Dear FDA, thanks for figuring out that safrole is basically pure evil. Too bad all those parents buying root beer for their kids up to the ban in the '60s were pumping their kids full of carcinogens. Of course its inherent immorality and assistance in making MDMA makes it super-attractive to all the crazies. Sassafras oil minus the "bad seed" ingredient is not illegal, but still, the allure eludes us.

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Photo Credit: Dorling Kindersley/Getty Images

Absinthe, the Green Fairy

Hallucinations or mental illness--take your pick--or get two, two, two for the price of one! These are only the reported side effects of downing your share of the long-illegal liquor . . . not that we'd know anything about it. Although the commercial production and sale of absinthe was made legal again in 2007, it's just not the same--literally. Today's options at the corner liquor store fail to mention that the key ingredient, thujone (part of the herb wormwood), the root of all the fun, is mysteriously absent from the absinthe.

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Photo Credit: Pernod

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