This Is How You're Going to Die: "Cake Rage"

Photo courtesy
Narrowly escaped hot, frosted death!
I have made a lot of jokes in the past about trashing taquerias for running out of carnitas, setting fire to Olive Garden franchises, and punching nuns standing between me and the last breakfast burrito. Most of these threats are hyperbole. Some are just wishful daydreaming. In all my years of eating and writing about food, I have yet to wreck up a cheeseburger stand that ran out of bacon or cherry milkshakes, or assault a sushi roller just because he fucked up my salmon skin roll. That kind of thing takes a whole different level of arrogance than I possess (an almost Charlie Sheen-y level of self-love and ego, one might say). Or maybe I've just never had a day bad enough where a missing bite of something was enough to send me over the edge.

But it happens, you know? There are YouTube videos of people going nuts at the McDonald's drive-thru when they can't get their McNuggets or McMuffins, and plenty of stories of the mentally unbalanced going completely over the edge when they can't get their donuts, tacos, or pie fast enough. But across the pond in Wales? Well, apparently, those people are just crazy.

To wit, check out this report of "cake rage" from the Daily Mail (via

"A mother trashed a cake shop after being told they had run out of her favourite flavour of cupcake.

With her children beside her, she smashed glass display units and threw cupcakes at customers after being told there were no more 'sweet tooth fairy cakes'."

No, really. "Sweet tooth fairy cakes." It continues . . .

"She even attacked members of staff in her fit of rage. [And] her reaction was so swift and dramatic, she did not even give staff time to tell her they could simply bake a fresh batch."

Honestly, though, if a person is willing to commit assault over fairy cakes (or the lack thereof), she's probably not the sort to just politely wait while a new batch is baked, cooled, frosted, and topped with cotton candy.

More details: The woman apparently started her rampage by throwing herself on the floor and "ranting and raving." She then went behind the counter, grabbed one woman by the hair, smashed a bunch of stuff, and started throwing cupcakes at customers. Oh, and also? She had her kids with her. Mother of the year, totally.

The killer hook to this story, though? The woman is currently at large in Cardiff, Wales. Because after trashing the Sugarswirlz cupcake shop (again, not making that up), assaulting at least one person, and doing several hundred dollars worth of damage, she and her children bolted and evaded police.

And now who knows where she will strike again . . .

Follow Voracious on Twitter and Facebook.

comments powered by Disqus