In Seattle, a person can stroll from Capitol Hill to downtown in a matter of minutes, or zip by car from Madison Park to the International District in the blink of an eye. Even more diverse than Seattle's numerous neighborhoods are the beers that represent them. Pull up a bar stool and see which beer best typifies yours:
1. Pioneer Square: The loophole-laden beer ban in Pioneer Square is insubstantial, to say the least, much like taste of O'Doul's.
2. Ballard: Is there a beer out there with the flavor of gentrification? Depending on whom you talk to, several beers seem indicative of Ballard--Kokanee for the fishermen, Maritime's Nightwatch for condo-dwellers--but we're sure that Ballardites will drink anything that goes with plaid.
3. Capitol Hill: The Elysian Brewing Co.'s "Loser." The tasting notes read "...street smart but not athletic," and the beer's slogan is, "Corporate Beer Sucks."
4. SODO: The slogan for Elysian's Bifröst Winter Ale--"bold and lively"--aptly describes the crowds of Sounders fans who pack Elysian Fields in SODO to watch soccer matches.
5. Fremont: Lest you ever forget that Fremont is "the center of the known universe," take a sip of the Fremont Brewing Co.'s "Universale Ale" and you'll know what they're talking about. Better still, knock back two or three quick, and hopefully you'll be mellow enough to not punch the Fremontoid on the next stool over when he starts spouting off about the wonderfulness of living La Vida Fremont.
6. Downtown: The Pike Brewing Company's "Naughty Nellie" is named for Nellie Curtis, Seattle's infamous madam, a woman whose beloved brothel once had sailors lining up down the block.
7. Lower Queen Anne: Lower Queen Anne's denizens love Schooner Exact Brewing Co.'s King St. Brown. Ozzies, T.S. McHugh's, the Great Nabob, Spectator, and Buckley's all have the beer on tap, so in this case, we're going with the law of large numbers.
8. Upper Queen Anne: The 3-Grid IPA is what flies at the Hilltop Ale House, the upper Queen Anne watering hole of choice. It's a perfectly calibrated brew for this 'hood: pale, bitter, and just a little too expensive.
9. Greenlake: Whether or not Elysian's Tangletown embodies the vibe of "a European cafe," as its website purports, it has become a Green Lake landmark, and the "Immortal IPA" speaks to that timelessness.
10. Spruce Park (Capitol Hill): Spruce Park's residents don't need fancy, expensive, imported sissy-boy beers. As Seattle Weekly music editor Chris Kornelis says, "My neighborhood, Spruce Park, is a Milwaukee's Best Premium kind of 'hood." Also available: shitty weed and used Volvos.
11. White Center: White Centerites have dark secrets and like to smoke, so there's no better fit than Big Al's Smoked Porter.
13. U-District: If you can stroll down Fraternity Row on Sunday mornings without finding a crumpled can of Rainier, you're obviously not looking hard enough.
14. Lake City. Too tired after a long day at the shop to make complex decisions, Lake City lets the U District buy it a Rainier at the Rimrock rather than think for itself.
15. Beacon Hill: Beacon Hill, with its robust Asian-American population, goes with Tsingtao, long known as a gateway drug to sake bombs.
16. First Hill: Populated largely by broke-ass Seattle U students and roaming hipsters, First Hill is ground zero for Pabst Blue Ribbon consumption in the city of Seattle.
17. Central District: Seattle's choicest Ethiopian restaurants are scattered through the Central District, and nothing, but nothing, goes better with shiro wot than a frosty Hakim Stout.
18. Georgetown: < a href="http://cdn.soundpublishing.com/voracious/2009/06/tapped_superchopp_at_gbc_prett.php">Georgetown Brewing Company brews several beers, but to be honest, Manny's Pale Ale takes the cake. As the slogan says, Manny's is "darn tasty beer," which is just wishy-washy enough of an endorsement to make Georgetowners go moderately, reasonably, and respectably crazy for it.
19. Madison Park: Madison Park's beer is Chimay. Why? Because they're both expensive, good-looking, and placid.
20. South Park: Odin Brewing Company recently gave into the bacon craze and debuted its Smoky Bacon Ale. Up until this point, residents had been forced to just eat bacon and drink beer like normal people, but with a drinkable version of America's favorite breakfast meat available, South Parkers get to combine two of their favorite things: bacon and beer.