It had to happen eventually. Because no one in this country who is famous (or even infamous) for more than 10 minutes gets out of the spotlight without having their own cooking show these days, Charlie Sheen now has one of his own. And it is called, naturally, "Charlie Sheen's Winning Recipes."
This is the Charlie Sheen I want cooking my dinner.
Highlights include: How to eat like Charlie Sheen, the benefits of outdoor kitchens (the spirits of Charlie's Adonis ancestors can fly above him and spit fire onto the meal), teleportation, interstellar spaceship construction, chain smoking, cooking wands for warlocks, monkey-grub, Vatican assassins, how to cook a steak with your mind, tea made from dinosaur fossils, and threatening your chef's knife . . . with another knife.
Interesting fact: Charlie Sheen's fingers radiate sunshine and he cries jaguar tears. See what you learn by reading food blogs?
OK, yes, it was a Funny or Die video, but still, I would watch that show every goddamn day if it were on the Food Network. I would make a drinking game out of it and probably die within 15 minutes. I would hide my liquor and house pets, then invite Charlie Sheen into my kitchen just to make me a "Tomato Winning Salad."
Granted, I would scrub everything down with bleach after he was gone, but while he was there? That would be some kind of party.