5 Gross Green Foods

Love it or hate it, St. Patrick's Day is once again upon the fair Emerald City. Maybe our nickname is the reason everyone feels so obligated to wake up and make green eggs and ham, or stop by a dive bar with their co-workers at 5 to drink a pitcher of crappy green beer before going home and popping a few Tums. While some of these may taste pretty normal or even downright good, there's something just oh-so-wrong about dying your food green and then forcing it on unsuspecting dinner guests. They just came for a little drunken green-beer pong, why should they suffer? Grab the garbage can and read on.

Glowing Green Machine.

Despite its more-than-slight resemblance to its chalky cousin, Pepto-Bismol, this Day-Glo-green smoothie is 99% fruit tasting and only 1% nasty health drink.

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Photo: Stephanie Gallagher

Cloverleaf Dessert Buns.

You could go to all the trouble of making these from scratch, and they'd probably be super-delicious. Or you could buy a roll of 10 biscuits in the can that pops open, shove three into a muffin tin, and pour icing and sprinkles and food coloring on top and call it a day. Choice is yours.

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Photo: Elizabeth Yetter

Leprechaun Pudding.

At first, the Ziploc baggie sounds so stupid, until you realize it means no dishes to clean, and the bag is really your prep bowl and serving dish. Just cut off a corner of the bag and squeeze the pudding into your mouth like a bag of frosting! One question: If we eat this and it really does belong to a leprechaun, is he going to chase us down and put a curse on us?

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Photo: James and James/ Getty

Pasty Mystery Dip.

Besides being only slightly convinced this will taste nothing like craft paste, we're having a hard time getting past the thought of having to explain a hundred times throughout the night that "it's a caramel-flavored dip, see the sign?" Maybe just a regular dip and green apples will suffice?

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Photo: Devine Dinner

Deviled Loogies.

If you can actually swallow this without choking on it when it reminds you of the biggest loogie you ever saw Kenny Thompson hawk into Sarah Jacobsen's hair during recess in the third grade, then our leprechaun bowler hat is off to you, brave soul. We'd gladly give up our share of the pot of gold to have regular colored eggs, even if these ones are more festive.

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Photo: SoWonderfulSoMarvelous

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