Starbucks Promises Its New Coffee Doesn't Suck, and Backs Up This Promise With . . . More Starbucks Coffee

Because taking over the world one venti half-caf mochaccino at a time wasn't quite enough, last year local(ish) behemoth Starbucks (favorite coffee of pirates!) rolled out their own brand of instant coffee called Via.

Actually, they went to great lengths to explain to everyone how this wasn't instant coffee at all, bending the laws of semantics to say, "This is not instant coffee as you know it. This is rich, flavorful Starbucks coffee in an instant." Makes total sense, right? Via is made "with the highest-quality, ethically sourced 100% arabica beans," according to Starbucks. "The magic is in a proprietary, all-natural process that we spent years perfecting. We microgrind the coffee in a way that preserves all of their essential oils and flavor."

So you get that? Starbucks is using magic to make coffee even faster. And now they want you to try it. Really, really badly.

To tempt folks into giving their instant magic coffee a try, Starbucks is offering a challenge, of sorts. Basically, they're promising that you'll like Via just as much as whatever coffee you normally drink. And if you don't, they'll buy your love with another bag of more traditional, non-magical Starbucks coffee. Here's the details:

"Encouraging coffee drinkers to discover the great taste of Starbucks VIA, Starbucks is introducing the Starbucks VIA Taste Promise, a guarantee that customers will love Starbucks VIA as much as their other premium coffees - or they'll replace it with a free 12 oz. bag of Starbucks House Blend ground coffee. This offer is valid for customers

in the U.S. from now until Aug. 31, 2011."

The people from Sanka must be going crazy right about now . . .

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