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"I just love the way our unfailingly polite neighbors in the Great White North say basil and pasta and eh, the way they call the

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Greatest Hits and What You Missed: Cat Pee, Boob Cheese, and Kenny G

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"I just love the way our unfailingly polite neighbors in the Great White North say basil and pasta and eh, the way they call the ladies' and gents' 'washrooms,' and how rabidly they root for those Canucks. But mostly I am crazy about Vancouver's great food and kick-ass cocktails.

Here's a list of reasons Seattle should be jealous of--or maybe inspired by--Vancouver:"

Reason number 1: Soup dumplings on the street, as detailed in the post, "10 Reasons Seattle Should Be Jealous of Vancouver."

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"2: There is no idea out there so bad that someone won't find a way to make a buck off it.

"There are a lot of bad ideas out there. There are a lot of really disgusting things that people do with alcohol.

"But that doesn't stop people from wanting to pay good money for, say, the Smoker's Cough (Jagermeister and warm mayonnaise) or the Cement Mixer (Bailey's Irish Cream deliberately curdled with Rose's Lime). And it isn't stopping people from going crazy for Adult Chocolate Milk, which is, essentially, chocolate milk and vodka.

"Yum!"

From "Four Loko (Minus the Loko) and Chocolate Milk for Alcoholics," an in-depth look at modern advertising and how we are all going to be getting drunk in the future.

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"The Crumpet Shop in Pike Place Market is closed for repairs until an estimated reopening date of April 1, according to Seattle Met. That surely seems like eons away for crestfallen crumpeteers such as SW's own Gavin Borchert, who swears it's the best bakery in Seattle, and super saxophonist Kenny G, who gets his crumpet fix there whenever he's in town."

A little hit of Morning Food News, courtesy of Erika Hobart, newshound and closet Kenny-phile.

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"It's time I let you in on a secret. I fantasize all the time. I have wild, indulgent fantasies that sometimes go on for days and would make a hedonist blush. They're detailed, vivid thoughts of sometimes sordid, occasionally illegal, always climactic experiences. I have these fantasies when I'm falling asleep at night, when I'm taking a shower, and especially when I'm cooking dinner. You see, these fantasies, believe it or not, are about food . . ."

From "Growing a [Modernist] Farmer," what happens when we let the Seattle Food Geek out of the laboratory.

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"People think that nature is pleasant and fun, like a cuddly puppy that shits cotton candy, or like cinnamon buns baked by an elf. Unfortunately, everyone who thinks that is wrong. The fact is that Mother Earth is cruel, like a robot programmed to punch faces, or like the kid who bought the last copy of Mass Effect 2 at Target just as you were trying to get the dude's attention so he could unlock the case and get it for you.

"Most people think that nature is kind and snuggly because they're dumb and weak, separated from the land by agricultural technology that somehow turns wholesome ingredients into whatever it is that Arby's sells. But one man has rejected the lumbering zombie of industrial farming, and has returned to the land. This man's name is Kurt Timmermeister."

The Surly Gourmand on how "Kurt Timmermeister Ensures Human Freedom in the Face of Bovine Pogrom."

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"Recently, Miriam Simun decided to create her own human cheese, as part of a course at New York University's Interactive Technology Program called 'Living Systems.'

"Well, not her own, really. She actually used breast milk donated by one woman in New York who was 'overproducing, filling up her freezer, and was finding it painful to just throw it away,' according to an interview on the website foodandtechconnect.com. She also bought milk from another woman in Wisconsin and had it shipped to her.

"And I should also say that it wasn't purely breast-milk cheese. In the three different versions she made ("Sweet Airy Equity," "Wisconsin Bang," and "City Funk"), she cut the human product with either cow or goat milk.

Finally, her reasons for doing this in the first place were . . . complicated."

From "Human Breast-Milk Cheese Returns, This Time as an Art Exhibition (Kinda)."

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"Kitty Piddle Soda.

"The fact that this pale yellow pop is orange- and pineapple-flavored and has a kitty on the front really gives us no solace from the idea of drinking cat pee. This is probably marketed to the tween boys who still think everything gross is cool, until that 8th-grade bully teases them at afternoon recess by pouring the whole bottle of Kitty Piddle over their heads. This is how cruel nicknames are created, kids--pay attention."

From "5 Repulsive Pop Flavors." And this was actually one of the less gross ones. At least it wasn't designed to make you throw up.

 
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