We've listed the best food photos of the year. Then we found some better ones, so we listed those, too. Of the roughly 3000 posts we've put up in the past year on Voracious, a few days ago we cataloged the 10th-through-6th-most-read and discovered that you people out there are really into breast milk (or maybe just breasts), drugs, booze and recipes for cooking with semen (no lie!).
So now, it is time for the five most read stories of the entire year, as chosen by your own subconsciousnesses. These were the pieces that drew the most clicks, that got passed around the most, that were the most attractive and the most read. In that, they tell me that you, the readers, are just terribly interested in...#5. Hot girls dressed like Chinese Food
"You can eat her, but you'll be hungry 30 minutes later."
Just a taste of our Top 10 Tasteless Halloween Costumes.
#4. Anything to do with Four Loko
"Take heart, Four Loko: You're not the first type of alcoholic inebriant to get called out onto the carpet for getting fledgling drinkers looped like hula. When gangsta rap and malt liquor forties teamed up in the '80s, that shit got railroaded, yo. And where are forties now? Available behind the bar at hipster bars nationwide, and quietly occupying a fair share of space in mini-mart coolers.
With few exceptions, booze brands rarely get a life sentence. And a little time in the blue-nosed poky only makes them more awesome in the eyes (and throats) of young anarchists. So without further ado, we bring you our list of the 10 most demonized alcoholic substances over time."
Winners in our list of "Demon(ized) Booze Over Time" included Ice beers, NyQuil, Zima and rubbing alcohol. Yes, rubbing alcohol.
No, thank you, Kitty Dukakis.
"Pretty much the minute that New York City chef Daniel Angerer decided that he was going to make cheese from his wife's leftover breast milk, the internets have been going nutsy-cuckoo for the story. There have been wild rumors (like the one about him selling the cheese at his restaurant, Klee Brasserie, which isn't true at all), rampant speculation (mostly about whether or not doing such a thing is a good idea in the first place, some about why chefs haven't thought of this before, a lot about other people's experiences with making things--like pancakes and ice cream--out of breast milk, and even a question of whether breast milk cheese--because it is considered parve, neither dairy or meat for kosher purposes--could be used to make kosher cheeseburgers), calls from the health department (which was chasing the rumor that he was selling human cheese on the menu) informing him that he could not serve mommy brie to the public. And Angerer (along with his wife, Lori Mason, who supplied the raw materials) has all of a sudden found himself in the middle of a food-media firestorm--all because he made a food product out of something biologically made to be food."
I'm guessing that this was not the story a lot of you were expecting when you clicked through to "Human Breast Milk Cheese: Worst Idea Ever? Or a Protein Whose Time Has Come?"
According to your local hot dog man, here are the 7 Reasons Why Your Hot Dog Cart Guy Hates You: Your're a jerk, you're a dumb jerk, you don't pay attention or follow the rules, you have no idea what you're talking about ever, and you're constantly touching their stuff. Who knew the hot dog guy was so full of rage?
#1. Food that comes on sticks
There was really never any doubt that this was going to be the most popular story of the year because, basically, there are two guarantees in the world of food writing. You want big numbers, you can either write about A) bacon, or B) foods that come on sticks. And we doubled our chances with "9 Greatest Stick Foods Of All Time" by writing about deep-fried bacon ON A STICK.
"This is bacon and french fries on a stick. I don't just want to eat this, I want to take it out, buy it a nice dinner, maybe take it to a movie, then bring it home and then make sweet, sweet love to it all night long."
And so, apparently, did you, dear readers, because you made this simple list of foods on sticks into the most-read Voracious post of the entire year by a large margin.