The Four Loko Chronicles: News From the Other Coast

Hot on the heels of last week's banning of Four Loko (and all other alcoholic energy drinks) in the entire state of Michigan, New York state is now trying to get in on the action. This, from our sister paper, the Village Voice:

"Apparently there is a cheap alcoholic energy drink called "Four Loko," the New York Daily News tells us today. Also NPR, ABC, CBS, Harvard Crimson, Chicago Sun-Times, and so on and so on and so on lately. That's just the first page of Google! Now New York is working to ban it."

Unfortunately, there appears to be a problem...

See, the way the laws are written in New York state, the Liquor Authority doesn't have the power to ban specific brands that have already gained approval by federal agencies.

But hey, a little thing like the rule of law certainly isn't going to stop New York from jumping on the panic bandwagon. At least not according to the New York Daily News:

"'Obviously, we're concerned. We're considering changing the rules,' said William Crowley, spokesman for the Liquor Authority. 'The problem is, as it's written, the statute doesn't give us the power to ban these products.'

In other Four Loko-related news, New York City chef cook Eddie Huang has already begun stockpiling Four Loko for the coming apocalypse, according to Eater NY. He's even running a $15 all-you-can-drink special at his restaurant Xiao Ye from 6pm to 11pm. But he's not necessarily doing it because he likes the stuff. As a matter of fact, he came up with what I believe to be the single most succinct description of Four Loko yet to be thrown out there amid all the media brouhaha:

"Four Loko is not a drink, it is chlorine in the gene pool. It weeds out all the people unfit for the next generation, like Darwin in a can."

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