Greatest Hits and What You Missed: Guy Fieri, Pumpkin Pie and the Butterball Turkey Hotline


"Nothing says Thanksgiving quite like pumpkin pie. And if you weren't already hyper aware that the turkey holiday is only days away, just try finding a pumpkin pie in Seattle. They sell out pretty quickly around these parts, proving this city is as crazy about desserts as it is holiday traditions. We were fortunate enough to score some pumpkin pie by-the-slice for this Versus challenge, and so will you be if you hurry! When it comes to a classic French bakery and a mom-and-pop pie shop, which establishment dishes it best?"

From this week's Versus, in which pies from Le Panier and 3.14 Bakery fought to the tasty, tasty death.


"Hunter (as played by Jason Sudeikis) was at the Weekend Update desk to talk about some new products his company is considering in wake of the FDA report/continuing statewide bans on alcoholic energy drinks (I think he's going to have a hit with the Amy Winehouse, made of doughnuts, K-Y Jelly, cigarettes, and horse tranquilizers). And Fieri was talking Thanksgiving because he goes 'bezerkey for turkey, but gobble gobble, let's make it full throbble...'"

Just a taste of this week's video offering, featuring a double-dose of Saturday Night Live weirdness, courtesy of Guy Fieri and Four Loko's Chris Hunter.


"Waking to the sudden whiteness this morning, all I could think was how little I wanted to brave the streets (and, more important, the unaccustomed drivers) in order to get to the office, but how worth it it would be in order to hunker down at some nice little neighborhood cafe and waste away the day in warmth and comfort while being fed by a staff that would probably be very grateful for my business. A pint or three, a bowl of something warm, maybe some poutine, a whiskey to take the edge off--that would be just lovely. Oh, and if there was a roaring fireplace, too? Perfect..."

With the snow blowing in, we fantasized about all the best places in which to take shelter from the storm.


"Deep frying your Thanksgiving turkey is popular for a reason - it happens to be the same reason that Lipitor is popular, but that's beside the point. Unfortunately, every year, 10 million Americans start house fires from attempting to fry their bird. And in addition to the arson hazard, deep frying a turkey requires a ton of oil, which, let's face it, you're not going to filter and reuse.

Luckily, the folks at Char-Broil have created The Big Easy Oil-Less Infrared Turkey Deep Fryer, and were kind enough to loan me a unit for testing. This cooker looks and works just like a conventional turkey fryer, except it uses no oil. Instead, a ring of gas burners heat up the inside of the cooking chamber, roasting your meat evenly and allowing the fat to drip down, with no risk of flame-ups."

From "Delightful Misuse of the Char-Broil Oil-Less Turkey Deep Fryer," courtesy of the Seattle Food Geek.


"Sometimes when you're stressed, you just want to slow down and imagine yourself in a pastoral setting, with rolling hills, fruit trees, pigs, cows, and sheep. The grass is as tall and green as a hungover basketball player. Milk shoots right out of the cow's udders in a creamy ivory arc and splashes directly into your glass. The pigs amputate slabs of their own bellies and smoke them up into freshly cured bacon, just for you. And every tree branch hangs heavy with apples as sweet as a Camaro, and with skin so highly polished you could reflect a laser beam off of that apple and directly into the cornea of your worst enemy, thus blinding him for life. Wouldn't that be nice?

Luckily such a place actually exists. Not only is this pastoral dreamland real, it's also only a half- hour outside of Seattle. It's a small-scale dairy farm on Vashon Island called Kurtwood Farms. It's the home of Kurt Timmermiester, who has chronicled his experiences running a dairy farm into a new memoir, Growing a Farmer."

A moment of pastoral bliss from the Surly Gourmand, courtesy of "Kurtwood Farms (and Kurt's Book) Is as Sweet as a Camaro"


Question: "How do I get a chihuahua out of my turkey?"

Answer: Excuse me, m'am?

Question: "My chihuahua crawled inside my turkey and is stuck. How do I get him out?"

Answer: Why would you want to do that? Chihuahuas are both delicious and nutritious and will bring a nice South of the Border flair to your Thanksgiving meal. Just take into account the weight of the dog when calculating a cooking time, and it should make for some excellent eating after being basted for several hours in a Butterball turkey's delicious natural juices. Oh, and also? I'd make sure your oven door has a strong lock.

Just one of the "8 Stupid Questions People Ask the Butterball Turkey Hotline--Answered By Voracious".

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