Hey Tony, nice cock

"Anthony Bourdain earned his reputation as the "bad boy of cuisine" by drinking, smoking, and swearing his way through exotic eating


Greatest Hits and What You Missed: Bourdain, Lizards and Loko

Hey Tony, nice cock

"Anthony Bourdain earned his reputation as the "bad boy of cuisine" by drinking, smoking, and swearing his way through exotic eating adventures on the Discovery Channel's No Reservations. This is a man who's bravely tried seal eyeballs, sheep testicles, and a warthog's rectum - but claims the most disgusting thing he's ever eaten is a Chicken McNugget."

From Versus: Anthony Bourdain v. Rachael Ray, a side-by-side comparison of two of the most popular food personalities in the business which posed the question, "Which of these two would you rather have cook you dinner?"


"What's next? When offering your customers a bag of hot-and-processed sausage balls isn't quite fast enough, will Dunkin' Donuts franchises start installing air cannons at the drive-thru so that employees can just fire SausageCake Chunkers into your mouth as you drive by? Will there come a day when the fast food people decide that actual chewing requires too much effort from their cowish and sedentary customers, so just begin turning entire meals into a high-fat slurry that can be delivered via fire hose to an entire dining room at once?"

Just a small taste of the rant entitled, "Food Porn for the Lethally Obese: Introducing Dunkin' Donuts SausageCake Chunkers (*Not A Real Name)," referring to the new Pancake Bites being rolled out by Dunkin' Donuts.


"First, there was the potato diet: 20 potatoes a day and nothing else, being attempted by Chris Voight, Executive Director of the Washington State Potato Commission in order to prove that potatoes are nutritious, good for you, and can help you lose weight (provided you don't cover them in frosting or wash them down with a highball full of lard). The 20-potatoes-a-day stunt got Voight quite a bit of press once Blog-o-Land got wind of what he was attempting. Right now, he's just past the half-way point of his 60-day diet and has already been talked about on NPR, MSNBC and in the pages of the Boise Weekly.

Now, Mark Haub--a professor of human nutrition at Kansas State University--is trying to get in on some of that sweet stunt-diet action. How? By eating nothing but junk food (Twinkies and Little Debbie snack cakes, bags of Doritos and sugary cereals) for 10 straight weeks. He basically crammed his snack hole full of cakes and cookies and all the stuff your mom told you would make you into a little chubbo every three hours, in lieu of proper meals, for over two months and didn't let a single morsel of healthy, decent food cross his lips the entire time.

And the result?"

You'll have to click through to "Eating Twinkies and Donuts Will Make You Lose Weight (Kinda)" in order to find out. Although that title might give it away a little...

Cowen Park Cafe.jpg
I love you, too, little coffee cup

"So you live in the city of coffee, eh? (How did that happen, anyhow?) Whether it's a big name chain that feeds your caffeine addiction every morning on the way to work, an espresso stand by the freeway with scantily clad college girls pulling double shots for tuition, or an independent neighborhood joint that knows you by drink and name, chances are you're looking for your next piping hot cup 'o Joe. For coffee-cupping snobs and everyday amateurs alike, let's dissect where to go when you need to get going."

Want to know where to get the 5 top lattes in the city? Perhaps unsurprisingly, "Seattle's Top 5 Lattes" will tell you all about it.

Photo courtesy

"In what was being called "an emergency ban" (because nothing is cooler than an emergency!), the state Liquor Control Board voted to remove all alcoholic energy drinks from store shelves within a week, making a change to the state's Administrative Code which stated: "no product that combines beer, strong beer, or malt liquor with caffeine, guarana, taurine, or other similar substances which are commonly referred to as "alcohol energy drinks" may be imported into the state, produced, manufactured, distributed, sold or offered for sale by a licensed retailer."

But hey, it's not all bad. You know what's not covered there? Vodka and Red Bull. Or whiskey laced with cobra adrenaline. Or gin and Robitussin (called a "Robo-G," in case you're curious) for getting down off all that wakey-juice when it's time for bed."

An excerpt from "The Four Loko Chronicles: Banned in (parts of) The U.S.A." Because, seriously, this Four Loko shit? It's just the gift that keeps on giving...


"7. The Thrill Seeker

Your writing better be action-packed, otherwise, you're wasting this commenter's time. Classic tags include:




I want the two minutes I spent reading this post back

I can't believe I logged out of YouPorn for this drivel"

Just one of the "10 Types of Food Blog Commenters" cataloged this week.


"So the story was simple, the kind of thing that happens all the time. Scientist Ngo Van Tri of the Vietnam Academy of Science and Technology was out for lunch one day in Ba Ria-Vung Tau. In a small village, he noticed a tank full of lizards. Being a scientist, he asked the owner of the restaurant, "Hey, buddy! What are these lizards doing here?"

And the owner replied, "Those are lunch, pal. How many can I get'cha?"

What confused Ngo Van Tri wasn't that lizards were on the lunch menu (that kind of thing is fairly common in the area, I guess), but that all the lizards in the tank appeared to be girl lizards. Do not ask me how Ngo Van Tri knew this. Do not ask me what he was doing with the lizards to find out. I don't know and I don't want to know."

The tale of those lizards became the basis for "Scientists Discover Unknown Lizard Species at Lunch Buffet: The Greatest Food Headline of All Time". But trust me--you've got to go and read about what happened next.

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