Are you a total amateur in the kitchen? Do you have a completely inflated sense of your own self-worth and believe beyond any shadow of a doubt that you belong on a quasi-reality television cooking show? Did your crazy aunt once taste one of your salmon-and-Doritos casseroles and, after putting away two pints of Wild Irish Rose, slur in your ear, "Baby, yous shoulda been a chef someday..."? And most important, do you worship chef Gordon Ramsay as a swaggering, loud and abusive god of the galley and your personal pathway to riches, fame and glory?
"For the love of god, not another fucking casserole!"
Well then man do I have some news for you, because MasterChef (Gordon Ramsay's amateur-hour gameshow for aspiring home cooks) has been picked up for a second season and they're starting to cast that sucker right now.Here's what MasterChef is looking for:
"We are on a nationwide search for talented home cooks from all types of backgrounds, and with a range of cooking styles to audition for season 2. Whether you enjoy cooking delightful desserts or hefty main courses, whether you cook fine French Cuisine or prefer a great tasting burger, we want to hear from you. If cooking is your passion, you cannot miss out on this opportunity. Now's the time to turn in your desk job for an exciting life in the kitchen - take the first step. All you have to do is fill in the application form, cook your favorite dish, and head down to an open call."
And lucky for you, there's an open call location just a couple hour's drive away in Portland, scheduled for December 11. All you need to bring with you is an application form, a photo of yourself (current, and probably not naked or covered in cats. Also, a mugshot is probably not appropriate), a photo of your audition dish, plated (no fair just bringing in an old Gourmet magazine cover--unless of course you're cooking cassoulet avec Gourmet classique et champignons forestiers, in which case that would be okay) and "Your one plated dish to impress us!" Seeing as the open call is in Portland, this would probably rule out all souffles and hot dishes, ice creams, and anything else that needs to be served hot or cold. Basically, you're stuck bringing boloney sandwiches to the judges, but have no fear. If you can actually lay a piece of boloney between two slices of bread without accidentally lighting yourself on fire, cutting off a finger, crying, passing out or poisoning, blinding or embarrassing yourself or any of the professional food judgers brought in to taste all the dishes at the open call, that will likely put you automatically in the top 10% of potential contestants. Add a little bit of mustard to that bad boy and you're just golden.
All the necessary information, forms, FAQ's and inspirational photos of his Gordon-ness can be found here, on the MasterChef Season 2 casting website.