Look, we're heartbroken the new Dick's Drive-In isn't coming to West Seattle. But to show we're not sore losers (even if Snohomish County Executive Aaron Reardon totally abused the power of his office to get northsiders to vote in the chain's poll), we've decided to help the Spady family find the best location for its new digs. To that en,d we've painstakingly perused Craigslist ads and commercial real-estate sites, meditating on criteria like distance to bars and college kids. Here, then, are the top six locations.
6: The strip mall at 617 128th St. S.W. in Everett has space available for a restaurant with a drive-thru! No more walking up to the counter for burgers, ridding us of the need to burn any calories at all when acquiring a deluxe and a milkshake. Potential drawback: The location is on the same strip as a Pizza Hut, a KFC, a Skippers, and a Chinese restaurant, so Dick's would have stiff competition for the stoner business.
5: Much of Snohomish County's available commercial real estate is spaces in strip malls. But there's no need to share a parking lot with a mattress outlet and nail salon at 21102 67th Ave. N.E. in Arlington. The former Eagle Crest restaurant is just waiting for a new tenant (or buyer if Dick's has $800K to drop) to fire up the grill. Potential drawback: It's close to pretty much nothing.
4: Dick's could open its first waterfront restaurant at 1205 Craftsman Way in Everett. As everyone knows, you get to charge more for your food if there's a possibility, however remote, that your customers will spot an orca while they eat. Potential drawback: The building isn't finished. Being the first tenant means it's up to you to figure out that the gas and water lines got crossed and the insulation is more flammable than expected.
3: Dick's would share Plaza 525 (12502 Mukilteo Speedway) with a Starbucks. It might seem an odd couple, but people will be thrilled to learn they can pay less for dinner than for breakfast. Plaza 525 will become the destination spot for two northsider meals a day. Turns out the perfect pairing for Howard Schultz is Spady. Potential drawback: People who pay $4.50 for coffee will feel uncomfortable dropping only $1.40 on a cheeseburger.
2: Three restaurants in as many years have opened their doors at the corner of California Avenue Southwest and Southwest Edmonds Street. Table 35 currently occupies the space, though history seems to be working against it.
The rest of the surrounding shops, bakeries, and a deli are thriving. What that corner, and the 'hood, needs isn't another cafe or bistro, but a place where locals can pick up a quick, cheap burger on their way home from work, or after a night out drinking at one of the many nearby watering holes. Given the right tenant, that corner will be a restaurateur gold mine! Potential drawback: It would be a bit of a drive for Snohomish County residents--being in West Seattle. Come on! It's not too late to reconsider!
1: We couldn't find a listing for it, but according to The Bothell Reporter, Kenmore Village is trying to lure tenants to a strip mall at 6728 Northeast 181st. Word is a Mexican place is eyeing a spot, but we think it's crying out for a Dick's.
The location might not seem like much, but it's a mere two-mile drive from Bothell High School and four miles from the University of Washington's Bothell campus. If the first time you got drunk and/or high wasn't in high school, it was in college. And if you were living in Seattle anywhere in the vicinity of a Dick's, the greasy burgers were probably the only thing standing between you and death by alcohol poisoning. We think the kids up north will catch on. Potential drawback: It's not quite stumbling distance from either school, so you're kind of encouraging drunk driving.
Got any more ideas? Let us know in the comments. And to Aaron Reardon, you're welcome.