Baby Carrots For Halloween: Because Some People Just Want Their House To Smell Like Eggs

These should come with a coupon for home exterior toilet paper removal
You've heard about this whole baby carrots thing, right? How A Bunch of Carrot Farmers and the folks from Bolthouse Farms (one of the country's leading carrot producers) have gotten together to try to turn baby carrots cool by producing weird commercials (see above links), a $25 million marketing campaign, inventing new packaging that mimics junk food bags and even sticking them in school vending machines?

Yeah, well now the baby carrot people are going after Halloween with Scarrots--1.7 oz single-serve bags of baby carrots meant for handing out to all those adorable little trick-or-treaters.

Except that those adorable trick-or-treaters are probably going to seem significantly less adorable when they're egging the shit out of your house for handing out carrots instead of candy.

Seriously, remember back in the day when there was always one weird hippie lady who tried to hand out apples or someone's grandmother who gave pennies? Yeah, well if you start handing out bags of baby carrots for Halloween, no matter how cool the packaging, no matter how XTREME the branding, you are going to the weird hippie or old lady who, someday, these kids are going to remember when their own children get pissed because someone in the arcology started handing out cubes of soylent green or something.

Let me say it right now: No one wants to get baby carrots for Halloween. No one wants any kind of fruit or vegetable. No one wants your pocket change or coupons or anything you baked yourself. For a kid, Halloween is about candy, Halloween night is about eating candy, and the day after Halloween is for feeling like crap because you ate too much candy the night before. For twenty-somethings, Halloween is about drinking too much while dressed like a sexy nurse or giant phallic banana, and the day after Halloween if for feeling like crap because you drank too much and slept with the guy dressed like the giant banana. For grown-ups, Halloween is about hauling the kids around so they can score some free candy, then eating a bunch of their candy after they fall asleep atop a nest of candy corn ends and gooey Snickers wrappers. Nowhere in there is there any mention of baby carrots. Nor should there be. Everyone needs a day once in a while when they can behave badly, dress inappropriately, eat junk food and screw the consequences (at least until the morning after). For some of us, that's just a Tuesday. But for the rest of us, Halloween is that day.

I'm all for trying to get kids to eat healthier (and love the idea of trying to trick the little bastards into doing it), but save your carrots (baby or otherwise) for November 1st. That's all I'm saying.

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