Wanna Play a Game? Free Stuff For Clever Grubniks


See that picture up there? That's a snap of the "Limited Edition" (meaning seasonal) frosted pumpkin pie Pop Tarts currently being hawked by Kellogg's as a reasonable alternative to eating an actual pie with your Thanksgiving dinner. Or maybe as a reasonable excuse for eating pie for breakfast, I don't know.

Point is, I thought that this was actually not the worst idea in the world. I mean, the Pop Tart does seem to be the ideal convenience food format for a pumpkin pie translation: it has a crust (like a pumpkin pie), it has a filling (like a pumpkin pie), it has frosting on top (like the whipped cream on top of a pumpkin pie) and pretty, autumnal-colored sprinkles (like a pumpkin pie as conceived by Oompa Loompas, or maybe Rip Taylor).

And then this got me thinking...

If Kellogg's can do a seasonal, holiday-inspired pumpkin pie Pop Tart (along with a fudge-and-sprinkles Halloween Pop Tart and a gingerbread Pop Tart for Christmas), why not other Pop Tarts for other seasons? Maybe all they've been waiting for is someone to do the hard work of actually thinking up the flavors for them.

Someone like me.

And by me, of course, I mean you. And after you, gentle readers, come up with the most awesome (or awesomely bad) ideas you can for holiday Pop Tarts, I will personally send them in to Pop Tarts World Headquarters and immediately take credit for your genius.

Sound like a plan? Yeah, I thought you'd be excited.

Oh, but wait. Perhaps my stealing all your good ideas and demanding that Kellogg's immediately start making beer-and-Cheetos Father's Day Pop Tarts is a bit harsh. I should probably reward your hard work in some way, shouldn't I?

Okay, well how 'bout this: I'll let this contest run for a day or so, collect all the suggestions you submit in the comments section below, have myself and a panel of experts choose the very best one, and that lucky person will win their choice of a brand new book from the enormous stack of newly released food books I have teetering on the edge of my desk. As a matter of fact, maybe I'll have a bunch of contests and give away a bunch of books--everything from the new Anthony Bourdain (Medium Raw, available wherever fine books are sold) and the new to that weird vegan cookbook I got in the mail the other day--to all the lucky winners.

I like this plan. Maybe it'll keep me from dying tragically (and ironically) in a book avalanche in my office.

So here's the rules. All suggestions must be for some kind of holiday or seasonally-appropriate new Pop Tart flavor. No fair copying something that's already been done. Bonus points will be given for being funny or ironic. Double bonus points for those who can actually come up with something that could conceivably be edible. Because there will be prizes, you have to use an actual email address for your comment (so I can get a hold of you if you win). The contest will end when I become bored with reading your responses. The winner will receive one book of their choosing from my large supply, including the signature of the author (forged by me) if they so choose. And if you don't win this time, have no fear. I've got a lot of books to give away, so we'll be playing again soon.

Everyone ready?

Okay, go!

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