Have you spent your life waiting for an eating competition which involves musically talented, heavily bearded men ferociously wolfing down nothing but pastries filled with sticky, white cream? Well, then Thursday, September 23 is your lucky day: At 6:30 p.m. at Geenlake's legendary Little Red Hen, hirsute rockers Matt Badger of Ravenna Woods and Andrew Chapman of The Keeper will go mouth to mouth in the first-ever Beard Papa's Cream Puff Munch-Off, presented by Voracious.
Now imagine sticky white cream all over this beard, and attempt to conceal your hard-on.
Whoever eats the most Beard Papa's cream puffs within the span of three minutes wins a gift certificate to Best Of Seattle (TM) champ Gray's Barber Lounge and a $50 gift certificate to Beard Papa's. Even better: that winner could be you! Male entrants must have a respectable amount of facial hair (mere moustaches accepted, but not encouraged) and will be judged solely on the strength of their scruff, whereas non-bearded female entrants will be judged based on how closely their lips resemble those of Glee star Lea Michele.
Those willing to get covered in white goo alongside Badger and Chapman for the right to valuable eating and grooming prizes should simply email a facial photo to yours truly; a winner will be determined by week's end.