As virtually all of you are no doubt already aware, fashion icon, songstress, lover of bubbles and certified meat lover Lady Gaga went to the Video Music Awards on Sunday wearing a dress made out of meat. Unsurprisingly, this provoked all sorts of debate among people who really should understand that it would take something precisely as bizarre as a meat dress to make the VMA's newsworthy again. PETA chimed in. Outspoken vegan Ellen DeGeneres gave Gaga a vegetable bikini. Fashion people were stunned into incoherence all over TV Land.
I didn't watch the actual awards, but it was impossible to miss the news the next morning. "Meat dress" became one of the most searched terms on Google. Polls were everywhere. But you know what? I don't really care what anyone else thought of it. I had my own opinions and, though I'm not usually one to get involved in fashionista slap-fights, here are the 14 reasons why I think the meat dress was awesome, plus a little something extra for you fellas.1) It gives me the opportunity to say "meat dress" in public without sounding like the creepy serial killer from Silence of the Lambs.
2) New trend: Completely biodegradable fashions
3) It pissed PETA off. Not that this is tough to do. Whip a pork chop at someone on the street and odds are good that PETA is going to issue a press release. But still, good for Gaga.
4) If she got hungry during the awards ceremony, she brought her own snacks. Had she eaten her meat purse, no one would've even noticed.
5) This is not the first time Lady Gaga has used meat to make a sartorial statement. A few months ago, she wore a meat bikini on the cover of Vogue Hommes Japan.
6) I have no idea what "Vogue Hommes Japan" is, but it still gives me the opportunity to say "meat bikini" in public without etc, etc.
7) She made some butcher somewhere very happy. And I am all for doing whatever one can for making butchers happy, even if that involves wearing prosciutto underpants to the Country Music Awards.
8) "Prosciutto underpants" may be the two funniest words I have ever written.
9) She resisted the urge to chase openly vegan music industry people down the street trying to hug them. That, I think, showed remarkable restraint on her part. I would've never been able to control myself so well.
10) Made my collection of salami neckties seem not so weird.
11) Made everyone stop talking about Katy Perry's stupid cupcake bra.
12) Distracted everyone from Snoop Dogg's weed top hat--which mysteriously disappeared about halfway through the event...
13) Meat boots at least five times less ugly than Ugg boots, and ten thousand times more original.
14) She somehow managed to spin a meat dress, "don't ask/don't tell" legislation, the objectification of women and the release of her new album into one cohesive news story while most professional cable talking heads can't manage to walk and chew gum at the same time.
15) Allowed me to once again display this little bit of sartorial genius that I found a couple years ago while slinging blogs in Denver: The scratch-and-sniff bacon tuxedo.
Dry clean only, available in four sizes, smells just like bacon, and a perfect Christmas gift if you haven't figured out what to get me yet.