When you start making baby steps towards your dreams it's not always easy finding the faults that are holding you back. Currently goals of comedic greatness seem light years away and my pace seems that of a hybrid between a sloth and snail, a new organism I have lovingly named a "slail". I've developed a plan to perform nightly, lose weight, write everyday and reverse time travel. After watching each of the Back to the Future movies and the book jacket of H.G. Wells' "Time Machine," I've decided that my other plans are more obtainable.
The goal of Belly Laugh is to document my travels while on the road and the meals I enjoy, delicious and not so much, along the way. My efforts, which are often thwarted, are to eat healthy. However, much of comedy road is paved in fried foods, ranch and the occasional bottomless soda.
My "get out of jail free" card, French dip and tater tots.
I was invited to perform at the Tacoma Underground which is located underneath the daisy duke enthusiast bar, The Big Whisky Saloon. The only bar that may actually have a strictly enforced "denim only" dress code. The Big Whiskey is filled with country music enthusiasts and where the only chance of seeing a dance off is in the form of a line.
The menu was full of Americana, buffalo chicken, cheeseburgers and French fries. I kept lucking out in the healthy choices department as each menu item I chose turned out to be sold out. My attempt at eating a turkey sub with no mayo as a healthy alternative to chicken strips and fries was thwarted by others trying to do the same, those healthy heathens!
When the menu is bone dry of healthy options, due to the line dancers using it as boot-scootin'-boogie fuel, the only option is a "get out of jail free" card. I cashed mine in on tater tots and a big French dip. I shared my meal with other comics as the portions were huge and the whole meal fed three of us.The tater tots were crisp but not greasy. Normally I have to slather my tots with ketchup, ranch or anything that may have a tablespoon of sugar in it but these taters were delicious on their own. The French dip was also tasty on a soft French roll great for dipping, although a toasted roll would have absorbed more of the au jus sauce. However, for one cook serving the bulk of 60 plus people, the service was incredibly quick and very friendly.
Surprise brunch for Lizzy Pilcher
I performed a tight five minute guest spot at the Tacoma Underground before the headliner, Mike Agostini who was also leaving Seattle. For some reason the Summer is when comics decide to make a mass exodus to either Los Angeles, for more sunshine or New York, the land of perpetual sunshine, snowy, snowy sunshine.The first show had a great audience of friends and well-wishers for Agostini the second night was filled with some family and a packed house full of young people who were unaware of Lady GaGa's presence mere blocks away.
The second show laid way to some interesting hecklers. One of which was the confusing heckler. This is the guy who is very excited about your set and wants everyone to know by making his laughs obnoxiously loud, or saying, "I get it," or "that's a good one!" When I receive the "I got it," line my retort is normally, "Wow, thank you for telling me you got it, I wouldn't have known otherwise outside of you know... just laughing." Depending on how socially inept someone is they normally get that they need to knock it off as it's distracting to the audience.
My set went over well with a particular joke that engaged the audience regarding their "badassitude."
"I judge badassitude based on what type of beverage you drink. My mom drinks wine coolers which is a negative one on the bad ass scale."
At this point I find someone in the audience with a drink and ask them, "What are you drinking?"
The lady in the front row responded, "Sex on the beach."
"Sex on the beach is like a three on the bad ass scale," I said. "It's more of a seven if you aren't using protection."
Finally, last Saturday I threw Pilcher a surprise brunch to celebrate her move to Los Angeles. I invited only female comics. There are roughly 19 of us performing in the Seattle area which made the event very intimate. The food was a far cry from healthy options with mimosas, cupcakes, muffins, French toast and pancakes lining the spread.
The evening marked a special comedic roast for Pilcher where a dozen comics threw their gloves on to throw cheap and methodical punches with love. I used Margart Cho's method of roasting Drew Carey through the use of haikus to hit Pilcher with a five, seven, five bitch slap!
Pilcher's final haiku the rest of my haikus fall under Carlin's Seven Words:
Lizzy you're a friend
Someone I can depend on
I'll miss you, kind of
You only roast the ones you love AND the ones who don't read your blog.