At Naam Thai, the Wider the Noodle, the Better It Tastes

cuddly puupy.jpg
I will kill this cuddly puppy if you don't eat at Naam Thai (picture may not resemble actual puppy killed).
Allow me to illustrate how many Thai restaurants there are in Seattle with a fun-filled factoid of the type you might find printed on a kid's place mat at Denny's. I'm talking about the kind of informational nugget that typically mentions how many times something can stretch from the earth to the moon and back, like if you stacked up all of the ants on earth, or the collective length of all the cock your mom sucked.

For instance, there are so many Thai restaurants in Seattle, even if you ate at each one at a rate of one Thai restaurant per second, it would still take you ONE BILLION YEARS to go to all of them. Sadly, because of this insurmountable time constraint, no one knows what the best Thai restaurant in Seattle is, because no one will ever eat at all of them. But if all of the Thai restaurants in Seattle stretch from the earth to the moon, with the shittiest one on the bottom and the best one on top, Naam Thai probably just barely grazes the edge of the lunar surface. That's how fucking badass it is.

We started with the chicken satay ($7.95). I realize that this is a pretty pedestrian dish, but it was nonetheless tasty. For that price you got three juicy slivers of grilled chicken breast, stained an almost fluorescent yellow via a dry curry rub, threaded onto skewers and adorned with grill marks so perfect they could have been applied with a stencil. The chicken was tasty and perfectly cooked, and came with a small bowl of cubed cucumbers, shockingly green and swimming in a sweet clear sauce.

Fresh rolls were $5.95 for four, and featured the most transparent rice wrappers I have ever seen. Those wrappers were so delicate they were almost completely clear. Normally I'm not in favor of invisible food, but in this case I'll let it slide because these rolls were quite tasty. Inside each was a rolled-up lettuce leaf, a squirmy column of glass noodles, slivered carrots, and a steamed shrimp. The accompanying dish of peanut sauce was very peanutty, without being cloying.

Pad See Iew cost $9.95 and was worth every penny. I'm convinced that the wider the noodle, the better it tastes, and this dish, along with pappardelle Bolognese, is one of the pieces of evidence supporting my groundbreaking theory. Silky wide rice noodles, like welcome mats for your taste buds, were piled high on a platter with lightly sautéed broccoli and soft supple slices of beef in a sweet and smoky sauce. I've eaten this many, many, many times, and without a doubt Naam Thai fucking nailed it.

Total Green Beans ($8.95) had a dumb name but tasted good. Crunchy sautéed beans, chopped into green elbows, were sautéed in fish sauce with shitloads of garlic and pepper flakes. I loved this. The beans were still a bit crisp, and the sauce was so tasty I would drink it from an elephant's butt.

Panang Curry ($10.95) was the best. I love Panang curry. I don't know what differentiates Panang curry from the other curries, but it's delicious. Rich creamy pink curry sauce, thick with coconut milk, embraced tender chunks of chicken breast, sliced red and green bell peppers, and was topped with ground peanuts and a fine dusting of red pepper.

Let me reiterate my love of Naam Thai at this point. The food there is as delicious as Freedom itself! If Thailand had a Statue of Liberty, she would be a lady-boy whose A- cup bosom dripped panang curry from her nipples night and day, feeding the hungry masses yearning to eat Thai food. But luckily you don't have to go to such bizarre lengths to eat spectacular Thai food; you can just go to Naam Thai.

Rating: 8.5 lady boys out of 10

Naam Thai is located at 1404 34th Ave. For reservations call 206-568-6226

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