Lickable Greeting Cards: For When You Really Just Don't Care At All

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The greeting card industry has taken a lot of hits recently, what with all the e-cards and text messages and other new, innovative and totally impersonal ways to wish someone a happy birthday/bar mitzvah/kwanza or what-have-you. But now, greeting card giant American Greetings is hitting back with what has to be the slothful person's dream: a card that already tastes like the cupcakes, donuts, cake or margarita you were too lazy to bother buying, mixing or baking.

Called "Tasties" these cards utilize the same technology as those breath freshening strips people use to try and get through DUI checkpoints or convince their bosses that they haven't been up all night drinking paint thinner and smoking crystal meth. Basically how it works is, you buy a card for grandma on her birthday with a picture of a cake on the front, she opens the card, sees the "place flavor strip in mouth" directions on the inside, follows them, tastes some chemical analog of vague cakey flavors, freaks out, thinks you're trying to poison her and writes you out of her will. Happy Birthday, Nana!

From the folks at American Greetings:

"Each card in the new line features a deliciously dissolvable flavor-strip, safely sealed inside, which recipients can enjoy along with the warm wishes of friends and family. These tasty surprises correspond with the art and sentiment of each card to offer the perfect recipe for a fun greeting. One birthday card in the new line features a mouth-watering image of a cupcake and reads, "If nothing else, birthdays are a great excuse to eat cake." The inside reads, "...lots and lots of cake." The dissolvable strip included encourages recipients to "take a bite," and enjoy the taste of vanilla cupcake, expanding on the fun and sweetness of the greeting. Other flavors to help consumers celebrate include everything from donut to margarita."

Eater.com got the heads-up on these new cards yesterday via Racked. And while those two were busily debating the pros and cons of such a thing, I could only think of what this means for the future of food. On the culinary Doomsday Clock, this just puts us one step closer to food pills and eating lasers, in my opinion. One step closer to the complete removal of food from the question of eating. Because once a technology exists, it will be utilized. Probably by guys like Homaru Cantu and Wylie Dufresne first, but eventually by the "chefs" at Olive Garden offering their 100% Dissolvable Tastes of Italy Tour.

But one thing it did make me think of?

How long do you figure before we see the first lickable issue of Hustler?

 
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