We've all heard of them -- those terrible restaurant names that leave us shaking our heads as to why anyone would want to name a place that. Whether it's a name that confuses us, irritates us or makes us cringe, we have compiled a list (in no particular order) of the Top 5 worst Seattle restaurant names.
Note: This was an incredibly hard list to compile -- not because there's a lack of bad restaurant names, but because there are so many. We encourage you to let us know what your least favorite restaurant name is in the comments section.
5. Perche' No
1319 N. 49th St., 547-0222
When we mentioned that this Green Lake Italian joint made the cut for an upcoming Voracious list (this one), The Surly Gourmand responded, "If Perche' No is on one of your lists, then the title of that list must be 'Top Five Restaurants for People Whose Tastebuds Were Destroyed in an Industrial Accident' or 'Top Five Shittiest McMansions with a Restaurant Inside.' Maybe we could go 'meta' and call it 'Top Five Top Five List Titles You Can Use to Put Down Perche' No." Yeah, Surly dislikes this restaurant's food about as much as we hate the name. Funny story. Perche' No means Why Not? in Italian. We can think of several reasons why not. Number one: it sucks.4. 9 Million in Unmarked Bills
3507 Fremont Pl. N., 225-4243
The name is gangsta-themed, we get it. But why does it have to be so long? Was Gangster already taken? We think the owners over-thought this one. Plus, 9 Pound Hammer was first. Who's got an extra pair of cement shoes we can borrow?
99 Union St., 749-7070
The name may seem harmless enough, but ART is on this list because it is so cliche, and by cliche we mean boring as ASS! But the most annoying aspect of ART is that it's right across the street from SAM and TASTE. What the hell? We don't need this many capitalized venue names in one city, let alone a single block. The name was intended to highlight the stellar art work inside the Four Seasons Hotel, but all it really does is magnify the lack of creativity or common sense in the company's business consultants.
3508 Fremont Pl. N., 633-5169
Voracious blogger Mike Lewis has this to say about the restaurant that moved into the old Longshoreman's Daughter space: "The new owner changed the name and added all kinds of drippy meditative-yoga bullshit with a criminal lack of bacon. Does his philosophy demand a candle shop name for a cafe? This one should get a special award for the catastrophic plunge in name choice. I want the city attorney to weigh-in on this. It affects my blood pressure every time I drive by."
Okay, okay. We couldn't decide on just five terrible restaurant names, so we added a sixth one. Guess naming this blog post Top 5 doesn't really make any sense, just like the rest of these shitty names.
2 Boston St. (in the old Opal space), 282-0142
As the name suggests, Flow is a new spot on Queen Anne.
727 Pine St., 624-8524
The story goes that Ruth Fertel purchased Chris Steak House in New Orleans in 1965. When that place burned down in a fire, forcing her to move the restaurant to a new location, she was unable to keep the name because of contractual obligations. In 1976, Ruth's Chris Steak House was born, along with a million subsequent eye rolls and name flubs. We wish Ruth would have let the name burn along with the original restaurant.