Lobster Tacos, not replacing R Place for the best club name
The average American makes $618.07 each week. My take-home pay is typically french fries,


Belly Laugh: A Hot Lead for Cardiologists in Des Moines

Lobster Tacos, not replacing R Place for the best club name
The average American makes $618.07 each week. My take-home pay is typically french fries, hot wings and a side of ranch.

As a stand-up comedienne (that's female comedian, for proof reading harpies), bar owners like to compensate you with a hot meal, fried golden brown, in a steaming red basket. However, as delicious as an all fried food diet sounds, and as much as I'm sure several cardiologists are scanning the byline right now for a hot lead, this is not the road to success when the spectrum of comics are Jenny Slate thin to Mo'Nique large. Average doesn't sit well!

I weigh 150 lbs. This may sound like an easy starting point, but bear in mind that I am 5'1", which is 3 inches away from creating my own Lollipop Guild, making me a good 20 lbs. overweight. Hence, I've committed to embarking upon a fitness regiment, clean eating (or as clean as available while on road), and a diet plan.

My routine includes working out with fitness guru Susan Powter about 3 times a week. Seattle Comedienne & self proclaimed gay icon, Jennifer Burdette, who just lost 60 lbs., will be working with me on a diet plan. I also have countless friends who have agreed to kick my ass if I don't exercise.

My last hooray was a Double Down from KFC, dipped in buffalo hot sauce. I can successfully say that I've hit rock bottom now.

While on my way to Des Moines (Wash.) for the first open mic at a new venue called All Star Bar , I decided to look for healthier fare than a cheese stick & french fry basket at Wally's Chowder House , seemingly the seaside suburb's headquarters for the blue-haired mafia. Many people don't know this, but the smell of fish and chips is like chum for the elderly.

The menu was spilling over with fried food, homemade pies, chowder and fish tacos (which always make me giggle upon ordering). I chose the special: lobster tacos with cilantro, homemade chipotle sauce and fresh salsa with a cup of Manhattan chowder. It was clear when they brought me the chowder to start with that Wally's is all about presentation. My bowl was accompanied with a carafe of oyster crackers with the emblem of a beach resort on it. This made me question the motives of the owners, having evidently packed away a carafe instead of the customary hotel towels.

The chowder was unlike the creamier chowders I have experienced. It was more of a vegetable soup with pieces of clam throughout.

Manhattan chowder and souvenir carafe

The lobster tacos may have tasted better with hot sauce and tartar, as the chipotle sauce seemed a bit too subtle, and was masked over by a heavy-handed amount of pepper. I caved and took a bite of my boyfriend's halibut taco (not an innuendo), which was battered. Wally's fried fish is fantastic, and a great reason to swing by, especially on a sunny day, to take advantage of their outdoor seating.

Full of fish and chowder, we wandered back to the All Star Bar about 45 minutes before the show. The room seats over 200 people comfortably, but had 22 when we arrived, 4 of which were comics. The rest were at the bar, which was half a block away from the stage. Eventually the room started to fill, and comics trailed in requesting time.

The show started out light in attendance, but grew exponentially throughout the evening--good for a new venue. Newcomer Alex Meyer took the stage early and received a rare and alarming Michael Richardsesque heckle during his set when he asked the audience where rapper Ice Cube was from. This reinforced my idea that comedy is chaos. The heckler made his way to the exit, leaving the rest of the room free to enjoy the show.

I took the stage a little nervous given that I followed shortly after Meyer. As the room was sparse and spread out, the laughs were harder to hear. In such cases riffing would have been the better choice, speaking directly with the audience. Instead I chose to do dirtier material to pique the interest of the bar patrons. A room will normally stop to listen if a small girl says one of Carlin's 7 Dirty Words into a mic. The tactic, though crude, was effective, and taught me to be more in the moment and less in my head.

The Joke (has a 3 joke set-up to start and 3 after):

I want to open a comedy club slash strip club and call it, Chucklefucks!

Shortly after getting off-stage, a fellow comic and I went to another open mic at Pegasus Pizza in Kirkland, where I killed by riffing with the audience and making fun of the fact that my "hecklers" were actually the sounds of a barbershop quartet CD being played in the other room.

Poundage lost this week: 0 lbs.

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