The Crock Pot® Is Like Sex: The Worst Part Is the Cleanup

The Crocksman is a weekly Voracious column about you and your slow-cooker. It runs every Tuesday.
The first meal in a Crock Pot® I ever prepared for myself was in a two-bedroom apartment I shared with my friend Bill in Moscow, Idaho. We weren't the cleanest dudes. We didn't always pay our bills on time. And for most of the two years we lived together, we didn't have cable. Or we didn't pay the bill. Or we paid the bill, had cable, but decided not to watch it.

What we did for television was we left the VHS tape of Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring in the VCR. If we felt like watching TV, we hit play. It worked. We weren't crazy about Lord of the Rings (At least by LOTR standards. I mean, we didn't buy any of the imitation rings and robes or anything.) But we were lazy.

The first meal we prepared in the crock was uncle Ben's recipe (pork shoulder, Coke, French onion soup mix), which too often feels like the only tool in my belt. The meal was great. And I don't think there were any leftovers. Except for the grease and fat.

I cook in a Crock for a couple reasons, but primarily because I'm lazy. The Crock Pot® is the instant bread maker of pot roast. It's easier than making toast. It makes spaghetti look exhausting. But it's not all easy. The hardest part about cooking in a Crock Pot® is the clean up.

That pot of fat, grease, and other discharge sat on our kitchen counter for weeks. Maybe months. When I finally lost a coin toss and hauled the Crock Pot® out to the Dumpster®, I nearly lost my cookies when I opened the lid.

I wish I could say I've grown up since then. Yes, some things have changed. That VHS copy of LOTR has long worn out. I don't even have a VCR anymore. I do have a new Crock Pot®. But if I told you I always clean it up right after I fill up with pot roast, I'd be lying to ya.

Like I said, I'm lazy.

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