This would've been funnier if I could've found a picture of a hooker in front of Pike Place Market, but no such luck.
I've been


Comment of the Day: "Fish Whore"

This would've been funnier if I could've found a picture of a hooker in front of Pike Place Market, but no such luck.
I've been called a lot of names over the years. Some of them I've deserved. Some of them I haven't. But leave it to local commenter Dan Sum to come up with a new twist on an old classic.

He left this artful little gem in response to my introductory column in last week's paper--a fairly tame piece by my standards, full of gentle reminiscences and a model of restraint. But for some reason, it appeared to rub him the wrong way. Here's what Dan had to say ...

Wow--Can you be more self righteous?

Any [sic] your mention of your love for fish is comes off as simply pandering to your new audience.

I've read your old reviews in Denver and there it was all pork. So now your [sic] in Seattle and suddenly you [sic] a fish whore? Come on man.

Yes, Dan. I a fish whore. Inasmuch as I get paid money to put fish in my mouth, I a HUGE fish whore. And friend, that ain't pandering when I say I'm excited about all the fish that's here. I spent almost 10 years in two different land-locked cities in two different land-locked states--two in New Mexico where the fish was not good, then seven-and-a-half in Denver which had great fish (thanks to morning and afternoon deliveries into Denver International Airport of some of the freshest fish in the world, most of it bound for points East but some of it ending up on my plate), but still wasn't quite like being on the coast--and for a professional eater like myself, suddenly being shown a way to the ocean after a decade spent high-and-dry? That's pretty much like a fat kid inheriting a candy store. I'm not trying to ingratiate myself to my new readership by saying how much I'm looking forward to eating fish here, Dan. I'm just trying to find a little bit of time to type between fits of shoving fistfuls of smoked salmon, fish fries and sashimi in my face.

Still, Dan, I'm impressed that you went and read my back catalog before jumping online and mangling the English language in your cutting attack on my self-righteous whorishness. Though I would argue that, with more than 400 formal restaurant reviews to my credit and millions of words written about food and restaurants in general over the years, I probably didn't only write about pork. I mean, I love me some pig. I truly do. But even a fella as verbose and hyperbolic as I am has to occasionally write about something else. Like cheeseburgers, perhaps. Or flan.

And even if I did write about nothing but pork for seven solid years, did that make me a pig whore when I was in Denver? That wouldn't have been a very smart move. Denver is really much more of a beef town than a pork town. And if pandering was all I was concerned with, I would've done much better as a cow whore. Would've eaten better, too. There were some serious, heavyweight steakhouses in that city, and owners with some serious, heavyweight money.

Yeah, a cow whore in Denver would've made out just fine. Too bad I didn't think of it at the time. But thanks for the career advice, Dan. If I ever get back to the Mile High City, I'll be sure to consider it as a new vocation.

In the meantime, I think I'm gonna stay right where I am, whoring it up for whitebait and Truite aux Amandes. Hope you'll stick around and see how things work out.

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