Greatest headlines/conversation starters of the day:
Former French President Chirac Hospitalized After Mauling By "Clinically Depressed" Poodle - One wonders how one goes about diagnosing a poodle for emotional problems. Awesome. Sublime, really. I bet you're thinking it must be one of those giant poodles? Click the link.
Choke Victim Blames Big Bite - In other news, "bear shits in woods." The only news nugget of this story--Tom "Top Chef" Colicchio was the one that gave her the Heimlich to dislodge the chicken kebob in question.
(pictured: The Met's Grape Nehi, sub Sauza Conmemorativo as mentioned in this week's Search & Distill)