Stopping in Lola for a quick lunch today, I spied a hoard of people filling out applications, strewn all over the lobby and bar. No,

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Food Network: ISO Next Talking Head

Do you have a catch phrase?

Stopping in Lola for a quick lunch today, I spied a hoard of people filling out applications, strewn all over the lobby and bar. No, Hotel Andra wasn't having a job fair; the Food Network is in town and holding an open casting call for the new season of "The Next Food Network Star."

(redacted)

1. If you look like you don't eat, why would anyone let you host your own cooking show? There were girls there that reminded me of the roaming herd of hoochies that would skulk around the W whenever a baseball team was staying in the hotel. What, did AMTM not work out for you? Besides, "40 Calories a Day" sounds more Style network.

2. Somebody's got to be the lovable fat guy. And there were many, in loud shirts, vying for the position.

3. She just hands out the numbers, people. Making nice with the woman manning the reception table is moot; she doesn't get a vote. These are the same kind of people who sleep with roadies. Uh, hello? That won't get you any closer to god, or fame, or anywhere.

4. Your chili pepper chef pants immediately disqualified you. Well, they should. 

5. Is that what you're wearing? (part 2) A t-shirt and jeans, really? Also, they wear make up on T.V. You couldn't wear any to the audition? You never get a second chance to make...aw, forget it.

6. If you were an ingredient what would you be? Most of the chefs applying said salt, naturally. (so a little birdie told me) Most of the home cooks said chocolate. Figures. Quick! How would you answer? (me: corn)

7. The competition sussing each other out killed me. Only in Seattle would men sniff around each other by dropping words like "tilapia." And the ladies! Ooheee. I saw some faces on ladies looking each other up and down. Where is the sister love?

8. People who filled out their applications in the bar should get special consideration. Because sometimes it takes 40 proof to maintain a star personality, and I think it shows pluck.

9. To the woman who did a shot before her interview: In my book, lady, you ARE a star.

I won't name names, but there was some genuine talent in the pool, hopefully they stuck out from the overall fromagerie. Good grief, there was this one guy that even had a modeling portfolio and his recipe book. It all reminded me of a book I've been reading: The Cult of the Amateur by Andrew Keen. (Not to mention it was a wee bit Mary Katherine Gallagher. ) It used to be everyone wanted to be famous for fifteen minutes. Now, everyone has a signature dish and wants their own goddamn TV show. Sheesh.

 
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