In this modern era of Geneva Conventions and Democrat-controlled Congresses, it's never been such a hassle to dole out purposeful torture. Waterboarding? Frowned upon. Weeks of constant interrogation? Discouraged. Stacking naked prisoners in a pyramid? Verboten, ever since a couple Marines got too cute with their digital camera. But it is perfectly legal to inflict mankind's most nauseating melodies and hackneyed lyrics on those who would commit terrorist acts against America. Check out Thomas Francis & Mike Seely's top ten most torturous tracks. Read the story, A Terrorist's Worst Enemies, and listen to a medley of the entire list.
â€œTwo Princes,â€ Spin Doctors: The subject, who was young, bearded, dreadlocked and dressed raggedly in corduroys, a dark blue neck-kerchief, and vintage Stussy T-shirt, appeared at first blush to be a transient. But after the eighth iteration of this 1993 Spin Doctors hit, the subject informed researchers that his father was a corporate attorney in Chicago and could be convinced to pay a six-figure sum in exchange for the subjectâ€™s release. No further research was needed to prove that the Spin Doctors belong in heavy rotation in Gitmoâ€™s interrogation rooms.
â€œIronic,â€ Alanis Morissette: Subject laughed and sang along through much of the songâ€™s first two spins, explaining that he was being ironic, since in fact he hated the song. After it played on loop for a half hour, the subject, a yoga enthusiast, assumed what he said was a fish pose and fell asleep. Subject woke back up after seven minutes, sweating and screaming about having been trapped in a car with a spastic Canadian women whose identical braided form kept multiplying.