April Fool: The 22 Things About Seattle That We WISH Were a Joke

1. THE BEST WE CAN MANAGE FOR A SEX SCANDAL IS A TEPID TAG SESSION BETWEEN A PRO-SPORTS C-LISTER AND A CITY COUNCIL AIDE

When a married governor who's earned the nickname Mr. Clean and has built his career prosecuting financial malfeasance gets busted with a high-priced hooker, that is some news. When the first openly gay mayor of a major U.S. city allegedly tries to cover up having sex with a teenage boy named Breedlove, there's some excitement. But you're in Seattle now. The best we've gotthe best we've had in yearsis "bronde" city council aide Ann Corbitt, who hooked up with a married soccer player no one in this city (or country) has even heard of, and then spilt every vapid detail of their two-night "courtship" and affair to a British tabloid. No charges have been filed; no one's left office. The dreary tale of Corbitt's encounter with this C-list cadwho went from e-mailing photos of himself in tightie-whities to wanting "to snuggle up close" and "hold hands" after sexdidn't even make Gawker. When Portland is besting us in sex scandals too, it's really time to wonder if our city has lost its soul.