John Roderick is the singer and songwriter responsible for Seattle's the Long Winters. Send your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org.
For this month's Answers & Advice column, we invited the Mariners' new relief pitcher, Hisashi Iwakuma--who's making his major-league debut with Seattle after a career in Japan--to send Roderick a few queries about his American hometown. The full column runs in the April issue of Reverb Monthly, which you can find inside Wednesday's issue of Seattle Weekly.
Iwakuma: What's your favorite seating location in Safeco Field to watch the Mariners?
Roderick: Welcome to Seattle, Hisashi! I'm guessing from your first question that you had a little coaching from the Mariners organization in preparing things to ask. That's understandable. I'm sure you do a lot of press and get asked a lot of these same questions yourself. I know what that's like, since I am a famous rock star.
Anyway, since this is probably the only time we'll get a chance to chat, I'm going to read between the lines of your questions a little bit so we can really get the most out of our conversation.
Who is your favorite all-time Mariners player?
Professional athletes sure get paid a lot of money, don't they? I'm not saying you're not worth it, but it must have a profound effect on your sense of taste. Most baseball players live in crappy mansions with 15 bathrooms and no furniture, dating women whose looks fall somewhere on the scale between a gazelle and a catfish. Doesn't that sound like something you'd only do on a dare?
How come more baseball players don't just live in normal apartments, reading magazines and making spaghetti? That's pretty much the definition of happiness right there, no matter how much money you have. Eventually, all our baseball stars move to Florida to be "closer to their families", which is code for them just wanting to be around other crass people in a warm swamp.